Posted in Life & Happiness

Wonder

A common trait seen among children is their sense of wonder. Whether it is a magic trick, an exotic animal or a breathtaking view, children will not hold back in expressing how amazed they are and how excited they are to see it. When they learn or experience something new and amazing, children will be ecstatic that their horizons are now broader. This is because the young, curious mind is always hungry for new information and experiences, and children care little about being judged for being passionate about something.

As we grow older, we lose our sense of wonder. We become weary from the stress of life and our hearts become dulled to experiencing joy and excitement. Instead of relying on our ability to feel amazement as a source of happiness, we rely on external factors such as the attention of other people, chemicals such as alcohol or cigarettes, or passive entertainment such as watching television. As we use it less and less, our sense of wonder wilts away.

This is unfortunate because this sense of wonder is exactly what we need to counteract the stress and misery that adult life brings. Even though we have grown up to become cynical and – sadly – boring, there is still so much in the world to be amazed by.

Travelling exposes us to new horizons to pursue, new perspectives to see from and new experiences to have. The people around us have countless stories to tell us of their own experiences, if we stop to listen. Even during your ordinary day, you can stop and look up to enjoy the clear blue sky, the colourful sunset and the star-strewn night sky. We are surrounded by amazing things, but we fail to notice them.

The lesson we can learn from children is that it is okay to feel positive emotions and to express them. Because of tradition and societal pressures, we learn to hide or even deny our own emotions because it is seen as a sign of weakness. But we are still creatures ruled by waves of internal emotions, and if we don’t learn how to ride the waves, then the waves will overwhelm us.

Next time you feel miserable, take a minute and look around you: what might a child be amazed by in your surroundings, or in your current life? Consider that the old building you pass on your commute has a rich history spanning centuries. Consider that your “boring” elderly neighbour would have led a life full of excitement, sadness and joy, just like you. Consider the vastness of the universe and how little we know about it, and how insignificant we are in the grand scheme of things.

Be curious. Be amazed. Be excited. You will find it adds so much colour to your life.

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Posted in Life & Happiness

Faces Of A Cube

Find a cube-shaped object near you and pick it up. How many faces can you see? No matter how you turn it, you can only see a maximum of three faces at a time. To see each of the six faces of the cube, you must look at the cube from different perspectives.

If we can only see half of the faces of a simple cube, then what about people? Too often, we judge people by the one face that we can see at a given time. Assumptions are made about their intentions and motivations, and the miscommunication drives wedges between relationships. We assume that the waiter was rude to us, without considering that they may be exhausted from a double shift. We assume that our partners are being selfish or stubborn, without considering what past traumas and experiences may be pushing them to act a certain way. We lament how much pain other people cause us, without giving a thought as to why that person is acting that way, or how they might be feeling.

This is because we instinctively want to protect our own feelings, by becoming defensive and blaming others. But this is a great barrier to connecting to other people. How can we even begin to understand another person if we refuse to budge from one point of view, seeing only a few facets of their identity and persona?

You cannot solve a Rubik’s cube if you only look at half of its faces. If you want to develop a deeper connection with someone, you must make an effort to see things from different perspectives so that you can appreciate who they are in their entirety.

A very important element of emotional intelligence is the ability to recognise why you or another person are feeling a certain way and explore it rationally. If you feel hurt by someone’s actions, avoid jumping to conclusions and instead try to see it from another perspective. Why might this person be acting this way? How are their emotions and past experiences shaping their actions? Which faces of that person are you not seeing from your current point of view?

The ability to change your perspective is a difficult, but powerful social tool. The more you practise this skill, the more misunderstandings you will clear up and the less you will be hurt by other people by accident.

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Posted in Life & Happiness

Weekend

Which do you enjoy more: Saturday or Sunday?

Most people working a standard Monday to Friday, 9-to-5 job will say that they prefer Saturdays. A common reason is that Saturdays begin after a fun or relaxing Friday night and a bit of a sleep in. Then, you can do whatever you want for the whole day, even if it means staying up late as you have another day to rest.

On the other hand, Sundays start with a relaxing morning, but followed by the stressful thought of having to return to work on the dreaded Monday.

Simply put, Saturday feels better than Sunday because we don’t have a Monday hanging over our heads. But why should this be the case?
Technically speaking, both Saturday and Sunday are days of rest. Sure, the night ends earlier on Sunday as we need to wake up early for work, but the rest of the day should be equally free and relaxing as a Saturday.

What keeps us from enjoying Sunday is our dread and anxiety for the next day. Because we stress about tomorrow, we fail to enjoy today.

When we focus on the present rather than the future, we can truly enjoy the precious hours of rest amongst the business of our lives. Don’t count the hours till you return to work. Instead, just enjoy the fact that you are not working right now.

If you change your perspective, every day can be a weekend.

(Image sourcehttps://xkcd.com/1073/)

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Posted in Life & Happiness

Best Friend

Whether we’d admit it or not, we all have someone in our lives that we consider a best friend. A best friend is someone who you enjoy spending time with, trust with your deepest secrets and talk openly and honestly with when something is troubling you.

For some, this may be a childhood friend with whom they had endured the hardships of life together. For others, it may be their parents, sibling or significant other. In some cases, a person who was a stranger to you less than a year ago may quickly develop in to your most valuable friend. Many of us will even have multiple “best friends” who we can call upon in times of need, or if we just need to rant over a drink.

These friendships do not happen without effort. Sure, it requires basic chemistry and connection. But to build a great friendship, it requires both parties to invest time, care and empathy. Loyalty is built on acts of kindness. You need to actively listen to delve deeper into the emotions and thoughts that drive your friend’s worries. We improve each other over time by calling out bad behaviours, while offering endless support and love when the other person feels worthless or unattractive. We take for granted the sheer amount of emotional energy invested in cultivating a true friendship.

When we forget this fact, we become terrible friends. We can be selfish, becoming angry with our friend that they aren’t giving us the support that we need. If this ever happens, consider the fact that your friend is also human and that they might be in exactly the same position as you. To parody John F. Kennedy:

“Ask not what your friend can do for you – ask what you can do for your friend”.

There is also one other friendship we must discuss – the friendship between you and yourself. This sounds strange, but you should be your own best friend. You are the person that has truly lived your life with you. You know of all the dramas, thoughts and feelings you have experienced. Yet when we are in a time of need, we neglect to support ourselves as a friend. Instead of support and love, we criticise ourselves, neglect ourselves and drive ourselves to stress and fatigue.

Be generous with your kindness to yourself and don’t forget to treat yourself. If you are having a bad day, take a break so that you can be there for yourself. Watch a movie, go for a walk, introspect and have a deep and meaningful chat with yourself. If you feel like a failure, remind yourself that you are being stupid and remind yourself of how amazing you are.

No matter how many great friends we have, we cannot truly be happy if we treat ourselves like an enemy.

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Posted in Life & Happiness

The Luxury You Cannot Afford

The night sky looks darker than it is because the bright moon and stars offer contrast. Similarly, bright colours truly “pop” in a background of dark, simple tones. A tiny pinch of salt brings out deeper, sweeter flavours in chocolate milk and watermelon because it offers a contrast in tastes. Contrast allows us to experience something at a greater level.

Happiness is much the same. Some of our happiest memories are from when we enjoyed luxuries we could not afford. An example would be eating out at a nice restaurant when your budget is straining. You know that rationally, you should not be doing that as you need to save money, but emotionally, you know that this is one of the few cases where money really does buy happiness.

The greatest luxury we cannot afford most of the time, is time itself. All of us lead such busy lives that we lack the free time and energy to indulge in what we are passionate about: hobbies we enjoy, sleeping enough or spending time with people we love. However, this is exactly the time we need to set aside a small break. Ironically, the busier life gets, the more vital it becomes that you stop for a moment and take care of yourself.

Whether it be spending a couple hours having lunch with a friend, or sitting down for half an hour to write in your journal, or singing a song on your guitar for ten minutes, breaks are essential. Even if you feel like you cannot spare a single minute, take five minutes to sit down with a cup of coffee, not doing anything productive, just watching people passing by on the streets. Better yet, lie down on the grass and stare into the blue sky for a little while.

When you look back on your life in ten, twenty years’ time, you will not be savouring the moment of working twelve hours straight without food. You will reminisce on how you spent one evening away from studying to play board games with your friends, but still passed the exams because you were refreshed the next day and could study more effectively.

Happiness is not a grand achievement, but a state of mind. It cannot take root in an overworked soul that is torturing itself. Enjoying the luxury of a break when you think you have no time is one step towards breaking the miserable cycle that our busy lives place us in.

So go on, take five and treat yourself.

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Posted in Life & Happiness

Snowflake

From a young age, we tend to be placed on a pedestal. We are consistently told that we are unique – that we are special. We are told we should make something of ourselves and to be brilliant.

But as we grow up, we realise that this is not necessarily the case. Society does not particularly appreciate us for our uniqueness. We learn that in many situations, we are treated as a dime a dozen. This could not be more evident than the example of job hunting, where you are competing with other young adults of similar qualifications, skills and general background. Once you enter the working world, you soon find that you have become a cogwheel in the machine.

As adults, we start to lose some of the things that made us unique when we were younger, such as our passions and imaginations. We even start to lose our identity as an individual as we become categorised, such as an accountant, a doctor, somebody’s partner or a parent.

Instead of feeling like a unique snowflake, it is easy to feel like a plain white dot in a field of snow. Perhaps this is why we yearn to find someone who will treat us like we are the most important, special person in the world.

However, there are some downsides to being unique. More often than not, people feel alone because of their niche interests, specific perspectives and strange imperfections. Then you meet someone who shares a quality that you thought was unique to yourself.

It might be the way they think how it’s odd how an object looks different as you move past it or even something as little as sharing the same guilty pleasure song. When we meet someone like that, we feel connected with them and that we are not alone in our weirdness.

Furthermore, thinking that we are special makes us feel entitled and act less kind to others as we believe we deserve special treatment. Not being unique grants us empathy as we can see ourselves reflected in another person.

Statistically, most of us will lie within the bulk of the bell curve where we are not so different from the average person. But perhaps that’s okay as long as we can find someone who we can be uniquely weird together with.

“We are all a little weird and life’s a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love.”

~ Dr. Seuss

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(Image source: Puuung http://www.grafolio.com/puuung1)

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Posted in Life & Happiness

Passion

“People love what other people are passionate about – you remind them of what they forgot.”

~ Mia, La La Land

What do you do for fun? It sounds like a simple question, yet a surprising number of people have difficulty answering it. Some fortunate people will talk passionately about their hobbies and interests for hours on end. Others, reflect on their day-to-day lives and realise that they haven’t been truly passionate about anything for a long time.

We all possess passion deep in our hearts. Think of your childhood – fulfilling curiosities, exploring new places, playing your favourite instrument or sport… But at some point, they became lost under the mounting pressures of stress and fatigue from work, financial responsibilities and relationships. Sadly with time, passion falls lower and lower on people’s list of priorities. Ironically, passion is the cure to the reasons why people forgo their passions.

Passion is one of the best ways we can obtain happiness. This intense emotion overwhelms us with a rush of excitement and joy, motivating us while dissolving away our worries and fatigue. With passion, we can enter flow state – the magical state where the world around you fades away and only you and the subject of your passion remain, leaving you in perfectly focussed bliss.
For most people with a passion, they will often say that it is part of their identity. They feel the desire to engage in the activity at the end of a rough day and when they do, they feel cathartic and recharged.

An interesting aspect of passion is how we will happily sacrifice time and money for it. Perhaps this is because we know that this is an example of how money can actually buy happiness. We are happy to pay the cost of happiness, whether it be waiting two days in the rain for a tennis tournament ticket, buying an expensive instrument or losing sleep practising intensely for a tournament.
In a sense, passion for a hobby or interest is quite similar to love.

For those who don’t know what their passion is, think back to your younger self and remember what made you really happy. If you can’t or if it is no longer feasible, there is always the option of finding and learning a new passion. There are some common qualities in hobbies and interests that people are passionate about:

  • Ideally, it should be skill-based, so that you can improve in it through investing time and energy. The desire to be better is an excellent self-motivation tool and the key to reaching flow state.
  •  It should be sustainable and not self-destructive. For example, luxurious parties, drugs, alcohol, sex are all examples of dopamine-inducing activities that are not sustainable as they cause “lows” where you feel miserable without the next “hit”. Furthermore, some of them may damage your physical and mental health rather than improve it. You should also consider whether it is financially sustainable, as at the end of the day, you still need to pay the bills.
  • It should excite you and make you happy. Sometimes people force themselves to like the same things as their significant other. It is okay to have different passions in a relationship, but you should try to understand why that person is passionate about that particular thing instead of blindly copying it. Plus, it is healthy to have something in your own life outside of your relationship that can keep you happy.

Unfortunately, you are the only person that can find your own passion. If you have forgotten passions, then that is a great starting point. Pick up a camera, brush, guitar, pen, racquet or whatever it is that made you happy, and revive your passion.

If you truly cannot think of anything, then focus on something that has piqued your interest and give it an honest try. It will be a much more effective use of your time than lamenting that your life is dreary and unhappy.
A practical tip is to start with a creative hobby, such as music or the arts, or a sport. These tend to fulfil most of the above criteria while also offering a creative or physical release, both of which can easily be lacking in our modern day lives.

Passion is a renewable source of happiness that does not rely on other people. Many people rely on the company of other’s for their happiness, but this is ultimately unsustainable and will lead to resentment.

How can we make someone else happy if we don’t know how to make ourselves happy? Maybe this is why we find passionate people attractive – it reminds us of what we had forgotten and how happy we could be if we tried.

So go on, be passionate about something.

(Image source: Puuung http://www.grafolio.com/puuung1)

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Posted in Life & Happiness

Should I Stay Or Should I Go

Life is a series of choices. As you only live once, you must decide what type of life you will lead. However, we are plagued by the uncertainty of the future. How will we know that we made the right choice? The career you decided on as you entered university could become obsolete in 20 years due to technological advances. You might end up regretting uprooting your life to move to a new city.

Perhaps the most difficult choice is the question of whether we are in love with the “right person”. Even if your partner is a perfectly nice, kind person, you may feel that something is missing. Some people call it chemistry, others call it connection, some even believe in fate and destiny. We are wired to try predict the future to protect ourselves. Therefore, it is natural to be concerned that we may end up with the “wrong person”: love’s equivalent of buyer’s remorse.

Ideally, we want to be with someone who we can’t imagine not being with. Someone who you can enjoy the silence of a Sunday afternoon with comfortably. Someone who you can be silly with like children. Someone who you can open up to for support and understanding without fear of being judged. Essentially, someone who completes the equation of 1 + 1 = 3, rather than the typical 1 + 1 = 2.

If you find someone like that, all you have to do is focus all of your energy in making that relationship work, through communication, compromise, kindness and love. Unfortunately, it is not uncommon to find ourselves feeling that the person is 70% the person for us – maybe even 80% – but we are not sure if we are sacrificing the possibility of being with “the one”.

There are two possible solutions. If you have hope that this is the right person for you, you could give them a chance by giving it your best shot and see if things improve or not. Perhaps there are barriers easily solved through communication.

But if the seed of doubt in your heart grows, saying that this is not the right person for you, consider what you would do if you were unhappy with other aspects of your life. If you hated your job, you would train in a different discipline. If you hate the new city you moved to, you can always move to a different one.

Love is a choice. Whether you choose to stay and try to make it work, or choose to leave in search of a person who you feel a deeper connection with, it is up to you to make a choice.

Life is difficult, but at least we have the luxury of choice. Fear gives us tunnel vision – we can only envision one possible way our life will play out. By settling with the comfortable choice, you may be extinguishing the possibilities of a happier life.

It takes great courage to make a choice. But regardless of the outcome, at least you gave it an honest go; you took charge of your life and tried to live a happier life with less regrets.

Take a step back to examine your life – are you truly content with it? Or is fear blinding you from the leaps of faith that can make you happier?

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Dull Knife

Which is more dangerous in the kitchen: a sharpened knife or a dull knife? Common sense would dictate that the sharpened knife is obviously more dangerous as it can cut you more easily. But as every chef will tell you, a dull knife is much more dangerous.

This is because a sharp knife will cut through your ingredients with ease and as long as you handle it with care and pay attention, the risk of cutting yourself is very low.
A dull knife on the other hand, will often slip and slide over the ingredient because it can’t cut straight through. This makes it more likely that it will slip off the food and slice your fingers instead.

Think of your relationships as a knife. Like with anything, we become used to and comfortable with our partners and friends over time. We sometimes unintentionally become lazy and careless around them, forgetting basic etiquette and the effort we put in at the start to cultivate that relationship. Much like a dull knife, we can easily make a mistake and deeply hurt the other person in this state. It might be because you accidentally said something hurtful or lost interest in their passions. In general, it is easier to become less attentive and thoughtful of the other person because you have been “dulled”.

No master chef would keep their knives unsharpened, for how could they prepare a delicious meal if they did not care? We expect our relationships to be immortal in the face of time thanks to the power of love, but the heart and soul will wear out like anything else without proper care and maintenance.

So how do we know how often to “sharpen” our relationships? It’s simple: stay mindful that your relationship is something that needs constant care.

Be attentive to the other person, be generous with your kindness and never take them for granted. The best way to prevent you from being dulled to something is constantly reminding yourself how grateful you are to have that person in your life. That way, your metaphorical knife will stay sharpened and it will be much harder to hurt your loved ones.

(Image source: Puuung http://www.grafolio.com/puuung1)

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Bullet Journal: Migration And Collections

(This post is a part of the series “How to Bullet Journal”. Read the rest here: https://jineralknowledge.com/tag/howtobujo/?order=asc)

The final part of starting a bullet journal is knowing how to migrate and how to truly make it your own, unique journal by using Collections.

Migration is the task of reviewing your entries for the past month and then re-grouping for the next month. At the end of the month, look back on your Tasks and see which were not completed. If you feel you do not need to do it any more, cancel them by crossing them out. If you feel it is important enough that you need to do it this month, you can migrate the task over. You can do this by using a notation, such as turning a “.” into a “>”. Migration is simply reassigning the task to the new month so you have another chance to complete it.

The key is to avoid migrating the same task over and over, but to recognise that it is a “second chance” so you prioritise it higher. Along with migrating Tasks, you can look back on the month and see what interesting things happened. It is also a good time to review how you liked your spread and experiment with different page layouts for the next month.

Using knowledge from these three articles, you have the bare framework of a bullet journal. But the beauty of a bullet journal is how customisable it is. Collections are basically everything else you can put into a journal to make it truly your own.

A Collection can be as simple as a list, such as a list of all the books you read or want to read, movies you have enjoyed or recipes that you want to try out. It could be more innovative, such as a log of when you caught up with friends, or a collection of stories from your life or from people that you met while travelling. You could devote a page to practise your handwriting, or make a Brain Dump where you can write down all the random thoughts in your head to try clear your mind.

A common, useful tool is a Tracker, which is a simple record of when you have done something. You could do this on a weekly or monthly basis and all you have to do is make a grid and colour in the squares of the days you have done something. This is a great way to keep track of your habits and things you want to do more often, such as exercise or getting enough sleep.

The bullet journal is a carte blanche – you can do whatever you want with it. So grab a notebook and a pen and try jotting some things down. You will be surprised how powerful such a simple tool can be, and you will notice the impact it has on your life through the power of organisation and creativity.

Examples from my Bullet Journal:

Tracker – Try different colour schemes to easily see how well you are keeping up a certain habit. Note that the Leuchtturm 1917 dotted notebook makes it easy to create a grid.

Collection of books, movies, whiskey – Let your creativity flow and try out different designs to make your lists look more interesting.

Other examples of collections – A collection can be whatever you want. Think of some ideas of things you want to record in your “Life Archive”.

Note: There are a lot of material on the internet on how to make a bullet journal – simple or elaborate – thanks to the amazing community. Check out the original video made by the creator as well: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fm15cmYU0IM

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