Tag: wisdom

Posted in Life & Happiness

Should I Stay Or Should I Go

Posted on by Jinavie

Life is a series of choices. As you only live once, you must decide what type of life you will lead. However, we are plagued by the uncertainty of the future. How will we know that we made the right choice? The career you decided on as you entered university could become obsolete in 20 years due to technological advances. You might end up regretting uprooting your life to move to a new city.

Perhaps the most difficult choice is the question of whether we are in love with the “right person”. Even if your partner is a perfectly nice, kind person, you may feel that something is missing. Some people call it chemistry, others call it connection, some even believe in fate and destiny. We are wired to try predict the future to protect ourselves. Therefore, it is natural to be concerned that we may end up with the “wrong person”: love’s equivalent of buyer’s remorse.

Ideally, we want to be with someone who we can’t imagine not being with. Someone who you can enjoy the silence of a Sunday afternoon with comfortably. Someone who you can be silly with like children. Someone who you can open up to for support and understanding without fear of being judged. Essentially, someone who completes the equation of 1 + 1 = 3, rather than the typical 1 + 1 = 2.

If you find someone like that, all you have to do is focus all of your energy in making that relationship work, through communication, compromise, kindness and love. Unfortunately, it is not uncommon to find ourselves feeling that the person is 70% the person for us – maybe even 80% – but we are not sure if we are sacrificing the possibility of being with “the one”.

There are two possible solutions. If you have hope that this is the right person for you, you could give them a chance by giving it your best shot and see if things improve or not. Perhaps there are barriers easily solved through communication.

But if the seed of doubt in your heart grows, saying that this is not the right person for you, consider what you would do if you were unhappy with other aspects of your life. If you hated your job, you would train in a different discipline. If you hate the new city you moved to, you can always move to a different one.

Love is a choice. Whether you choose to stay and try to make it work, or choose to leave in search of a person who you feel a deeper connection with, it is up to you to make a choice.

Life is difficult, but at least we have the luxury of choice. Fear gives us tunnel vision – we can only envision one possible way our life will play out. By settling with the comfortable choice, you may be extinguishing the possibilities of a happier life.

It takes great courage to make a choice. But regardless of the outcome, at least you gave it an honest go; you took charge of your life and tried to live a happier life with less regrets.

Take a step back to examine your life – are you truly content with it? Or is fear blinding you from the leaps of faith that can make you happier?

Posted in Life & Happiness

Dull Knife

Posted on by Jinavie

Which is more dangerous in the kitchen: a sharpened knife or a dull knife? Common sense would dictate that the sharpened knife is obviously more dangerous as it can cut you more easily. But as every chef will tell you, a dull knife is much more dangerous.

This is because a sharp knife will cut through your ingredients with ease and as long as you handle it with care and pay attention, the risk of cutting yourself is very low.
A dull knife on the other hand, will often slip and slide over the ingredient because it can’t cut straight through. This makes it more likely that it will slip off the food and slice your fingers instead.

Think of your relationships as a knife. Like with anything, we become used to and comfortable with our partners and friends over time. We sometimes unintentionally become lazy and careless around them, forgetting basic etiquette and the effort we put in at the start to cultivate that relationship. Much like a dull knife, we can easily make a mistake and deeply hurt the other person in this state. It might be because you accidentally said something hurtful or lost interest in their passions. In general, it is easier to become less attentive and thoughtful of the other person because you have been “dulled”.

No master chef would keep their knives unsharpened, for how could they prepare a delicious meal if they did not care? We expect our relationships to be immortal in the face of time thanks to the power of love, but the heart and soul will wear out like anything else without proper care and maintenance.

So how do we know how often to “sharpen” our relationships? It’s simple: stay mindful that your relationship is something that needs constant care.

Be attentive to the other person, be generous with your kindness and never take them for granted. The best way to prevent you from being dulled to something is constantly reminding yourself how grateful you are to have that person in your life. That way, your metaphorical knife will stay sharpened and it will be much harder to hurt your loved ones.

(Image source: Puuung http://www.grafolio.com/puuung1)

Posted in Life & Happiness

Bullet Journal: Migration And Collections

Posted on by Jinavie

(This post is a part of the series “How to Bullet Journal”. Read the rest here: https://jineralknowledge.com/tag/howtobujo/?order=asc)

The final part of starting a bullet journal is knowing how to migrate and how to truly make it your own, unique journal by using Collections.

Migration is the task of reviewing your entries for the past month and then re-grouping for the next month. At the end of the month, look back on your Tasks and see which were not completed. If you feel you do not need to do it any more, cancel them by crossing them out. If you feel it is important enough that you need to do it this month, you can migrate the task over. You can do this by using a notation, such as turning a “.” into a “>”. Migration is simply reassigning the task to the new month so you have another chance to complete it.

The key is to avoid migrating the same task over and over, but to recognise that it is a “second chance” so you prioritise it higher. Along with migrating Tasks, you can look back on the month and see what interesting things happened. It is also a good time to review how you liked your spread and experiment with different page layouts for the next month.

Using knowledge from these three articles, you have the bare framework of a bullet journal. But the beauty of a bullet journal is how customisable it is. Collections are basically everything else you can put into a journal to make it truly your own.

A Collection can be as simple as a list, such as a list of all the books you read or want to read, movies you have enjoyed or recipes that you want to try out. It could be more innovative, such as a log of when you caught up with friends, or a collection of stories from your life or from people that you met while travelling. You could devote a page to practise your handwriting, or make a Brain Dump where you can write down all the random thoughts in your head to try clear your mind.

A common, useful tool is a Tracker, which is a simple record of when you have done something. You could do this on a weekly or monthly basis and all you have to do is make a grid and colour in the squares of the days you have done something. This is a great way to keep track of your habits and things you want to do more often, such as exercise or getting enough sleep.

The bullet journal is a carte blanche – you can do whatever you want with it. So grab a notebook and a pen and try jotting some things down. You will be surprised how powerful such a simple tool can be, and you will notice the impact it has on your life through the power of organisation and creativity.

Examples from my Bullet Journal:

Tracker – Try different colour schemes to easily see how well you are keeping up a certain habit. Note that the Leuchtturm 1917 dotted notebook makes it easy to create a grid.

Collection of books, movies, whiskey – Let your creativity flow and try out different designs to make your lists look more interesting.

Other examples of collections – A collection can be whatever you want. Think of some ideas of things you want to record in your “Life Archive”.

Note: There are a lot of material on the internet on how to make a bullet journal – simple or elaborate – thanks to the amazing community. Check out the original video made by the creator as well: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fm15cmYU0IM

Posted in Life & Happiness

Silliness

Posted on by Jinavie

When we play with children and babies, we become silly. We make faces, use made-up words and play make believe. It seems that we have an innate drive to make as much of our interactions with children positive and fun. Perhaps this stems from a protective instinct; we wish to shield the innocent from the harsh realities of life. So instead of teaching cynicism and negativity, we encourage children to enjoy life and to be happy.

Yet we see adults doing the complete opposite. Acting silly is deemed immature and unseemly. Many cultures even condemn smiling and laughter because they believe it is the sign of an insincere fool. So instead of breaking into song and dance like any child would, many of us put on our most serious face and try to look “mature” and professional. In fact, this is beaten in to us so much during our twenties and thirties that a significant number of people forget the joy of being silly.

Why is it that we can only be silly in the company of children? Why do we forget that deep inside every adult, there hides an inner child wanting to enjoy life? So many people lament that they are unhappy while they deny themselves the infinite source of happiness they hold within.

It takes a very deep level of unhappiness for you to be incapable of smiling at the sight of a laughing baby. Remember that we were all happy children at one point in our lives. That child still lives in on us as we age – all they long for is for you to play and be silly with them.

Try singing a cliché pop song in the shower. Pretend you are in a musical and put a skip in your step while you listen to your favourite song. Laugh at how ridiculous you look while playing air guitar in front of the mirror.

Life is so much more enjoyable when you see it through the eyes of your inner child.

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Posted in Life & Happiness

On Tiredness

Posted on by Jinavie

“I’m tired because I didn’t get enough sleep last night.”
“I’m tired even though I’ve slept enough last night.”

“I’m tired because I have too much work to do.”
“I’m tired because I’m finishing up work.”

“I’m tired because I haven’t had coffee yet.”
“I’m tired even though I’ve drank coffee.”

“I’m tired because it’s Monday.”
“I’m tired because it’s Tuesday.”
“I’m tired because it’s Wednesday.”
“I’m tired because it’s Thursday.”
“I’m tired because it’s Friday.”

You aren’t tired when you are at a concert.
You aren’t tired when you’re fully immersed in a movie.
You aren’t tired when you’re on a date with someone you love.
You aren’t tired when you are doing something that you enjoy.

If you feel tired every day, then that is a sign you are doing something that you hate.
Instead of making another cup of coffee, try finding something that you love doing.

Your tiredness will simply melt away.

(Image source: Puuung http://www.grafolio.com/puuung1)

(from 1cm+ by Eun Joo Kim)

Posted in Life & Happiness

Standards Of Happiness

Posted on by Jinavie

If we list some things that affect our happiness, they can sound a little ridiculous.

The angle the chair reclines to, where you sit at the meeting table, the country your bag was made in, a few letters at the sole of your shoes, the number of toilets at home…

Or respectively:

Business class or economy, boss or employee, “Made in Italy” or “Made in China”, famous brand or cheap brand, one-bedroom apartment or three-bedroom house.

Just a few hundred years ago, these things were not standards of happiness.
These standards were artificial sources of happiness created by consumerism to promote constant spending, or to create competitiveness to improve productivity.

Artificial happiness is usually relative. No matter how much you own, if you meet someone who owns more, you will feel unhappy.
Happiness itself has become a competition.

On the other hand, we also have these sources of happiness:

The number of friends who you can really connect with, flowers and trees, caring and love from your family, a healthy body, a delicious meal.

Above are natural sources of happiness that are absolute rather than relative. This means that once you achieve them, you do not feel less or more happy when you compare yourself to others.
Natural happiness was likely the standard of happiness hundreds of years ago, and will remain so hundreds of years in the future.
Natural happiness enriches the relationship to your soul.

In modern life, we are often systemically pushed into seeking artificial happiness.
But if you only seek artificial happiness, we will forget the absolute happiness we get from natural happiness, and be put in an ironic situation where we are competing to be happier than others.

What kind of happiness are you living today?

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(Image source: Puuung http://www.grafolio.com/puuung1)

(from 1cm+ by Eun Joo Kim)

Posted in Psychology & Medicine

White Elephant

Posted on by Jinavie

In many Southeast Asian countries such as Thailand and Burma, owning a white elephant has been traditionally considered a show of great opulence. To this day, white elephant are a symbol of peace and prosperity and are kept by royalties of some countries. On occasion, a monarch would bestow a white elephant upon a citizen to reward them for their service to the country. But this was regarded as a blessing and a curse, as elephants are notoriously difficult and costly to maintain.

Today, the term white elephant refers to items that are gifted that serve little practical use and take up space, such as tasteless decorations. In some cultures, “white elephant swaps” are held around Christmas where people will trade gifts, under the philosophy that “one man’s trash is another man’s treasure”.

A related psychological phenomenon is the sunk cost fallacy. This is when a person sees that an action or investment they made has an increasingly bleak outlook, but instead of bailing, they make the irrational choice to continue. For example, you may pay $3000 for a car, which then breaks down. The mechanic bills you $1500 for repairs, which you choose to pay. The car breaks down again and this time it costs $2000 to repair. You think that since you have already invested $4500 in this car, it is worth paying $2000 to repair it. However, you have now spent $6500 on a car that may cost you even more in the future. The more you invest in it, the more you justify keeping it as you feel you are committed to the investment, resulting in a greater loss.

The sunk cost fallacy affects many aspects of our lives. A common example is relationships. Many people will settle down with someone they do not think is the “right one”. But despite many warning signs you are not very compatible with your partner, people think “well, I invested all this time with this person, I might as well see it through”. Eventually, the two end up in a bitter marriage, regretting that they did not break up earlier to find someone that they could be happy with.

The reason we fall into the sunk cost fallacy is that we do not want to “waste” the investment we have put in already. But economically speaking, you will profit far more by walking away from a bad decision as early as possible. It is a “sunk cost” which you will never get back.

Now think about your life. Are you really happy in your job or relationship? Or are you lying to yourself that it will be alright because you don’t want to face the cruel reality that you chose poorly? Knowing about the sunk cost fallacy will help you save time and money, whether it be putting down a bad book before you finish it, or learning when to walk away from the wrong commitment.

(Image source: https://xkcd.com/1768/)

Posted in Life & Happiness

Recipe For Happiness: Compassion

Posted on by Jinavie

(This is a three part mini-series on happiness. See the full series here: https://jineralknowledge.com/tag/arkhappyrecipe/?order=asc)

Human beings are social creatures. It is extremely difficult to be happy when you are isolated and lonely. The most important lesson on happiness is that we are truly happiest when we connect with others.

Connection – physical, emotional or spiritual – is linked to the neurotransmitter oxytocin. It is released in large amounts when we feel loved, such as when a mother sees her newborn, when we hug or even when we feel nostalgia.

Happiness from connection is special in that it is sustainable. Happiness from excitement, such as through money, winning and sex, is mediated by dopamine and wears off very quickly. You need more and more “hits” of dopamine to feel the same again. Oxytocin, on the other hand, allows you to feel happy just from recalling memories of your connections.

So how can we use oxytocin to become happier? As mentioned above, it is released through human connection. The easiest way to do this is spending time with your loved ones – have a conversation, share a laugh, get to know each other on a deeper level.
But there is an even more effective way: compassion.

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Because of our social nature, we have an innate desire to help those in need and alleviate suffering. But in modern society, we are so busy and consumed by our own lives that this instinct becomes dulled.
The first step to compassion is empathy. Through empathy, we can recognise and understand another person’s emotion. To do this, you have to practise the ability of seeing things from another person’s point of view. Consider how their values and experiences may influence how they behave and what they are feeling currently.

However, empathy alone does not create happiness. Compassion is when you recognise that someone is suffering and feel the desire to help alleviate it. Even the thought of wanting to help has been shown to induce happiness. When we show kindness and it makes even an iota of difference to the person’s suffering – such as putting a smile on their face – our brain instantly gets drowned in a sea of oxytocin and we genuinely feel good.

But as mentioned above, our sense of compassion has been worn away by the stress of daily life. Here is an exercise that can help train your compassion level.

Firstly, think of someone close to you who is suffering and wish them good fortune. The more often you do this, the easier the thoughts will come to you naturally.

Next, try doing the same to strangers. When you see someone on the streets or sit next to them on a bus, think to yourself: “I wish they would have a good day”. Even if you do not know who they are, you can wish them good fortune. They may not telepathically hear your thoughts, but the important part is training your compassion “muscle”.

The last step is the hardest. Think of your worst enemy, then wish them good fortune too. It is extremely difficult to respond to someone we hate with love. This is called uncomplementary behaviour in psychology and we are hardwired to do the opposite. Yet, when we do show kindness in the face of cruelty and hate, it can turn the situation upside-down and both parties can feel safer and happier.

The more you train your level of compassion, the more you will find that your interactions with others will be changing. You might find yourself smiling to strangers more, treating them with more kindness and feeling that the world is not that horrible a place after all. Most importantly, you might be able to show self-compassion, the most difficult task of all. Don’t be so hard on yourself; forgive your own mistakes and learn to love the awesome person that you are.

Be generous with your kindness. Every person in the world wants to be happy and a simple act of kindness from your end may shine some light on their day, and through empathy, you can feel happier also.

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Posted in Life & Happiness

Recipe For Happiness: Mindfulness

Posted on by Jinavie

(This is a three part mini-series on happiness. See the full series here: https://jineralknowledge.com/tag/arkhappyrecipe/?order=asc)

Mindfulness is the state of mind where you are aware of and attentive to the present, accepting it while not being judgemental. Simply put, it is “living in the moment”. It may sound easy, but in reality, we are not very skilled at sustaining attention to the present. We are easily distracted by regrets of the past or fears for the future. Even when we are aware of the present, we judge constantly. Thoughts such as “I can’t believe I said that, it’s so stupid” or “This person is annoying me so much, I hate it” are some examples.

When we are mindful, we can look into our brains and isolate what is really bothering us. Instead of being trapped within a maze of neurosis, you can look at your emotional response rationally. This allows you to try figuring out what is causing it and how you might fix it.

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For example, you might feel angry when your friend does not reply to your messages. Our default state is to feel angry and lash out at our friend. But from a mindful state, you might see that your anger stems from your belief that your friend does not care about you. Then, you might remember that your friend is very busy studying for an exam and realise that there was a fair reason for them not replying. By being mindful, you self-aborted the vicious cycle of negative emotions and prevented the unhappiness it could cause.

There have been numerous studies that have shown the benefits of mindfulness. Not only does it reduce stress and increase happiness, but it also improves your physical health. But unfortunately, mindfulness takes practice to develop.

Mindfulness is trained through meditation. During meditation, you enter a relaxed state where you can focus on your “mind’s eye” rather than worldly distractions. There are numerous types of exercises that are available, such as breathing exercises and guided meditation.

A mindfulness exercise you can try right now is the Five Senses Meditation.
First, focus on what you are seeing right now. Describe everything in detail: the pigeon flying away, the red-headed girl handing out pamphlets, the blue sky. Ignore your emotional response to what you see and focus only on what you actually see. Now, close your eyes and focus only on your hearing. Do you hear the twittering of birds, the chatter amongst people, the leaves rustling in the wind? Keep doing this one-by-one with your other senses: touch, smell and taste. With each sense, focus only on what you “see” through that sense, blocking out everything else. Focus on the feeling of your clothes on your body, the scent of the person sitting next to you, the aftertaste of the breakfast you just ate. Lastly, open your eyes.

You will now be able to see the little details of the moment you’re in, through heightened senses. Then you will realise that you exist in this moment. Not in the past or the future, but in the present that your senses are excitedly telling you about.
The key to happiness is not an epic quest to find the Holy Grail. All you need to do is pay attention and look around you.

Happiness is now.

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Posted in Life & Happiness

Travelling Alone

Posted on by Jinavie

The next time you have a holiday, try travelling alone somewhere new. It may sound lonely, but travelling on your own can have several benefits that you may never have considered.

Firstly, you can be selfish for once and plan  the trip to wholly fit your needs. If you want to spend a whole day in a museum or focus on the best eateries of the city, you can do that without worrying about your travelling companions’ preferences. Some of the worst moments while travelling are conflicts within the travel group due to different travel styles. Travelling alone eliminates that issue as you are only in the company of yourself.

Secondly, you will meet new people much more frequently and readily. You may have to ask a stranger for a photo using broken Japanese. You may go out drinking with a group of Australians on a night out in Edinburgh. You may strike up a conversation with a Dutch girl next to a piano within an antique bookshop in Paris. When travelling alone, you have to rely more on the kindness of strangers and it is easier for others to approach you when you aren’t surrounded by a group.

Lastly, remember that travelling frees you up from commitments and your “real” life. Instead of worrying about bills, assignments and the future, you can focus on the present. This lets you make better use of your time, such as noticing little details like how blue the sky is or taking photos of happy people on the streets. Most importantly, when you’re alone, you can become lost in your thoughts and gain more insight into your inner psyche. This is when you can learn more about what you enjoy, what you want out of life and being mindful of how you are really doing in life.

But of course, travelling with others has its own appeal. The happiness you gain from sharing wonderful experiences such as beautiful sunsets and delicious local foods, paired with deepening the connection and bond you have with your friend or partner becomes the best part of travelling.

“If you want to find out who you truly love, travel far away on your own. The person you wish was beside you at that moment is the one you truly love.”
~ from Calmi Cuori Appassionati