Tag: personality

Posted in Psychology & Medicine

How To Fall In Love

Posted on by Jinavie

In 1997, psychologist Arthur Aron and his team published a paper explaining how to accelerate the development of intimacy between two people. The team came up with a list of 36 questions divided in to three sets – each set with more probing questions than the last – and made a pair of strangers answer each question in order. In later versions of the study, participants were also told to lock eyes for four minutes after finishing the questions, to create even more intimacy.

The team found that this method significantly increased the closeness felt between two people compared to standard small talk. More interestingly, even if people had different personalities (e.g. introvert and extrovert), or one person thought the other did not share any commonalities with them, the method worked.

It does not take a scientist to figure out why this method is so effective in fostering closeness. We feel close and connected to people who we feel we can open ourselves up to. When we love someone, we reveal our physical weak spots, such as showing our neckline or exposing our torso as we greet them with a hug. We also open up our psychological weak spots: our vulnerabilities, our insecurities and our neuroses.

When the other person reciprocates by showing us their own inner selves (instead of bolting out the door), we feel safe as we trust them not to hurt us. We allow them to see who we really are behind the mask and shield, welcoming the connection between our souls.

The foundation of a strong relationship is open communication, honesty, mutual trust and understanding. The questionnaire is simply a rough beginner’s guide to exploring each other’s identity, so that we can learn more about ourselves and each other. It means that if we want to connect with someone, we must talk to them openly, rather than trying to investigate their lives via social media, assuming their thoughts and intentions, or playing games.

The questions are as follows. Try completing it with someone you wish to get to know better, ideally in a comfortable, peaceful space.

Set I

1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?

2. Would you like to be famous? In what way?

3. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?

4. What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?

5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?

6. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?

7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?

8. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.

9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?

10. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?

11. Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.

12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?

Set II

13. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?

14. Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?

15. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?

16. What do you value most in a friendship?

17. What is your most treasured memory?

18. What is your most terrible memory?

19. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?

20. What does friendship mean to you?

21. What roles do love and affection play in your life?

22. Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items.

23. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?

24. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?

Set III

25. Make three true “we” statements each. For instance, “We are both in this room feeling…”

26. Complete this sentence: “I wish I had someone with whom I could share…”

27. If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know.

28. Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you’ve just met.

29. Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life.

30. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?

31. Tell your partner something that you like about them already.

32. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?

33. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?

34. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?

35. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?

36. Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.

Posted in Life & Happiness

Trademark

Posted on by Jinavie

What makes us “us”? This is a question that every person on Earth would have asked (or constantly asking) themselves at some point in their lives. We seem to be gripped by an instinct to be unique – to not only discover our identity but to express it to the world.

Our identity is manifested through how we interact with the world. Some people express themselves visually – colourful hair, a token accessory they always wear or a general “look”. Some people opt to express their uniqueness through what they say – such as having catch-phrases or being the witty, funny guy. 

However, by far the most common way people show their identity is through their mannerisms – specifically those we display consciously. For example, some common traits people openly show are “being a hugger”, “always smiling” or “never swearing”. It is almost as if we set up intricate sets of rules for ourselves so that we act in a way that is predictable by people who know us well – a persona code, if you will.

This becomes interesting when the expected behaviour is not necessarily positive, such as when your friend is acting in a way that irks you, like saying something stupid or being overly affectionate. Well, it could be that they are purposefully doing it as per their persona code, knowing that it may not be received well. This seems illogical – why would you act in a way that hurts your image?

This is because our “trademark” – what makes us “us” – is a complex combination of our past experiences, present behaviour and our choices for the future. Due to this complexity, it is impossible to be a “perfect person”. So perhaps the reason that we cling to our mannerisms – whether they are good or bad – is that we would rather be a perfect “me” than a perfect person.

Others may mock us for doing something “that’s so Raven” or “that’s so Jin”. But we would rather show the world our imperfections and be loved for them, than forcing ourselves to be something that we are not – perfect.

Posted in Psychology & Medicine

Autotelic

Posted on by Jinavie

From a very young age, goals are set for us by others. As babies we are encouraged to walk and talk, as children we are encouraged to do well in school, as teenagers we are encouraged to get a good degree and as adults, we are encouraged to be a model member of society. Advertisements put forward money, fame and power as models of success. Motivational speakers give speeches telling us paths we should follow to succeed. Parents tell children that they should listen to their advice if they wish to lead a comfortable life in the future. Amongst all of this external pressure, sometimes it seems difficult to have a say in what direction your life should go in.

The word autotelic is derived from the Greek words auto, meaning “self”, and telos, meaning “goal”. An autotelic is one who does not need external reminders to tell them who they are. They have a purpose in and not apart from themselves. They are driven by their own goals, curiosities and motivation. An autotelic does not live life like a connect-the-dots puzzle drawn by society, but chooses to paint their own life on a blank canvas.

The defining feature of autotelic personalities is that they are not driven by the want to be successful, but by the desire to seek challenges and be in flow state. Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, the psychologist who coined the term flow, defined the mark of the autotelic personality as “the ability to manage a rewarding balance between the “play” of challenge finding and the “work” of skill building“. They are far less interested in external rewards, such as a gold star from a teacher or a raise from a employer. Their reward is the flow state they enter while they work on their goal and the satisfaction that comes with knowing that they completed a challenge.

Some of the greatest achievers in history were autotelics. They did not achieve amazing feats because of the promise of money and fame, but because they were internally driven by the thirst for flow. When questioned why he wanted to climb Mount Everest, famous mountaineer George Mallory replied: ”Because it’s there“. An autotelic personality is not necessarily something you have to be born with. All you need is to constantly challenge yourself, discover whatever brings you to flow state and not let outside forces sway you from your own goals. For the only judge of your life that matters is you.

(If you don’t get the reference, go watch some How I Met Your Mother, coz it’s awesome 😛 Barney Stinson always sets new challenges for himself, always pushing himself to the limits of awesomeness. Examples: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4iOi_iPNC50)

Posted in Psychology & Medicine

Phineas Gage

Posted on by Jinavie

On September 13, 1848, a 25-year-old foreman named Phineas P. Gage was working on a railroad with his work team. In an unfortunate turn of events, as he was using a tamping iron (large iron rod with a pointed end, measuring 3 feet 7 inches in length and 1.25 inches in diameter) to pack gunpowder into a hole, the powder detonated. The forceful explosion drove the metal pole skyward through Gage’s left cheek, ripped into his brain and exited through his skull, landing dozens of metres away. His workmates rushed to Gage’s assistance (who they presumed to be dead at the time of the accident), and to their surprise, found that he was still alive.

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In fact, Phineas Gage spoke within a few minutes of the incident, walked without assistance and returned to his lodging in town without much difficulty – albeit with two gaping holes in his head, oozing blood and brain everywhere. He was immediately seen by a physician who remarked at his survival. In fact, it is reported that he was well enough to say: “Here is business enough for you” to the doctor. Another physician named Dr John Harlow took over the case, tended to the wound, fixed up the hole and recorded that he had no immediate neurological, cognitive or life-threatening symptoms.

By November, he was stable and strong enough to return to his home, along with the rod that nearly killed him. His family and friends welcomed him back and did not notice anything other than the scar left by the rod and the fact that his left eye was closed. But this was when things started to get interesting.

Over the following few months, Gage’s friends found him “no longer Gage”, stating that he was behaving very differently to the man who he was before the accident. Dr Harlow wrote that the balance between his “intellectual faculties and animal propensities” had seemingly been destroyed. Gage became more aggressive, inattentive, unable to keep a job, verbally abusive and sexually disinhibited. He would frequently swear using the most offensive profanities and would be as sexually suggestive as a March hare. How did the iron rod cause such a dramatic change in Gage’s personality?

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Phineas Gage would go on to be one of the most famous patient case histories in the history of modern medicine. His case was the first to suggest some sort of link between the brain and personalities. Neurologists noted that the trauma and subsequent infection destroyed much of Gage’s left frontal lobe – the part of the brain that we now attribute to a person’s logical thinking, personality and executive functions. It is in essence the “seat of the mind”. Ergo, Gage’s loss of one of his frontal lobes meant that his control of bodily functions, movement and other important brain functions like memory were undisturbed, while his “higher thinking” was essentially destroyed (he was essentially lobotomised). This explains Dr Harlow’s observation of his “animal propensities”.

Thanks to this case, a great discussion was sparked and the idea that different parts of the brain govern different aspects of the mind was conceived. We are now able to localise almost exactly where the language area is, what part controls movement and how a certain piece of the brain converts short-term memory into long-term memory.

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Posted in Psychology & Medicine

Sweet Tooth

Posted on by Jinavie

It is interesting to see how people tend to use taste-related metaphors to describe other people. If a person is hostile or spiteful, we describe them as “bitter”. If a person is sullen and gloomy, we say they are “sour”. Perhaps the most extensively used taste is “sweetness”. People have a tendency of calling their loved ones sweet-related names, such as “honey”, “sweetie”, “sugar” or “sweetheart”. This is directly reflected in the tradition of giving chocolate to a loved one on Valentine’s Day. Quite obviously, this is because we find sweetness the most palatable taste and something that is nice. On a related note, could there be a relationship between sweetness and personalities?

A group of psychologists decided to study whether people who like sweet foods, or “sweet tooth”s, have a certain personality trait or not. They did a survey where participants were asked what foods they liked most out of a list of 50 foods covering five tastes (sweet, sour, bitter, salty, spicy). They also answered questions that gave an indication of their agreeableness (one of the five components of OCEAN personality traits). The psychologists then analysed whether there was an association between sweet tooths and agreeableness. Interestingly, a direct correlation was found between a liking of sweets and higher levels of agreeableness. This suggested that people who like sweet things tend to be more friendly, cooperative and compassionate.

But is the cause-and-effect relationship so simple? Could it be that sweet things cause people to be nicer? In a separate experiment, participants were randomly given a sweet food (chocolate), a not-sweet food (cracker) or no food. They were then asked to volunteer their time to help someone. It was found that those who were given something sweet were more willing to help another person compared to the other two groups.

This makes logical sense as eating sweets such as chocolate causes your brain to release a flood of hormones such as endorphin and serotonin from the absolute pleasure of the experience. These hormones make us feel happy, blissful and in love, which in turn make us more agreeable and willing to cooperate.

Although sweetness has numerous negative effects on the body such as weight gain and diabetes, there is no doubt that it is greatly beneficial for your mental health. If there is a bitter person around you, give them a good dose of chocolate to help them develop a sweeter personality. Or perhaps all they need is a sweet romance.

(Image source: http://fc04.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2010/138/c/e/Day_4___Sweets_by_Valandill.jpg)

Posted in Psychology & Medicine

Parent

Posted on by Jinavie

Parents only have one duty: to bring up their children with love. The problem is that so many parents do not know this fact, or have a twisted understanding of the concept of “love”. Some never even hug their child, some abandon their child for their own lives and some even abuse their child. However, that does not mean one should obsess with their child either. Always teaching the child that “they are the best” is not love. Also, trapping a child and preventing them from leaving you is obsession, not love. Some parents tell their children that studying will lead to a happy, successful future, and compare them to other children who get better grades. This is a crucial mistake, as the children will probably live out an unhappy life with a deep wound in their heart for the rest of their lives. This is because the parents’ role is not to secure a successful future and instructing them how to get there, but to allow the child to independently plan their future, taste failure and develop their own values and philosophy, only supporting them from the side. A parent is not a leader who leads a child along a predestined path of life, but an assistant who supports a child while they pave their own path of life and walk down it. To support and respect a child’s decisions, dreams, talents and potential; to teach the wisdom and skills the child will need to follow their dreams; that is true love.

Of course, that is not to say that one should neglect and leave a child without any interventions. If a child clearly makes an objective error or misbehaves, it is a parent’s role to correct it. This kind of home education is not interference like obsessing about the child’s studies, but supportive intervention that helps the child follow their dreams and not be lost on the way. Home education is a very important form of love that imbues a child with skills such as social skills, ethics, morality, philosophy and love that will allow them to lead a happy and wholesome life.

Why is parental love so important to a child? Childhood is a critical period when the child’s brain is rapidly developing and when the child begins to form his or her personality and view of the world. Almost every mental illness (especially personality disorders) can be traced back to a childhood trauma, or at least be affected by it. For example, a child whose parents did not care for them will grow up lacking love and attachment, leading to constantly seeking love and attention from others, which may develop into dependent personality disorder. If a child has to live up to the parents’ great expectations, they will not receive sympathy and fail to develop a self identity. To fill this void, the child will continuously float from one person to another to seek this sympathy. A child with obsessive parents being led to believe that they are the best could develop narcissistic personality disorder, who becomes violent and enraged when someone points out a mistake they made. As one can see, parental love is a crucial nutrient that fosters a healthy personality in a child, helping them become a wholesome, independent “person”.

No matter how poor the parents are, a child who was raised on love is able to construct a plentiful, happy life. Then, when the child becomes a parent, they will know how to raise their own children with love as well. The best parents are those who respect the child’s decisions and allow them to be free when they set out on their pursuit of happiness. All you need is love.

Posted in Psychology & Medicine

Identity

Posted on by Jinavie

Do you want to gain trust and build intimacy with someone? That is easy – all you have to do is recognise and accept their identity. Every person tries to define who they are by building an identity or their “self”. This identity includes their personality, experiences, philosophies and interests. If you wish to have a deep and meaningful conversation, start off with a light conversation to explore the person’s identity. What kinds of films do they like? What leisure activities do they enjoy in their free time? What occupation are they in? If you slowly learn such superficial information, an outline of their identity begins to take place. Also, observe the person’s attitude as they speak and how they respond to certain topics. You will be able to know or at least guess what their interests are.

As the person slowly becomes fond of you through conversation, simply lead the conversation towards their interests that you found out. The person will talk excitedly about their interests. Now, respond accordingly with a smile and a look of interest (better if you are actually interested). A positive conversation has been established. Steer the conversation so that the other person talks as much as possible about their “self”. The person will think that you share their interests, and nothing is as attractive as common interests.

Shall we go one step deeper? Interests give an outline and begin to add colour to the identity, but to recognise their identity as a whole you must gather more specific data. Once a sense of trust and intimacy begins to develop, the conversation can develop into a more personal one. Talk about the person’s past, their philosophies, their dreams, hopes and aspirations. The more intimate information they share with you, the deeper the intimacy becomes and the more you learn about their identity. The important point here is that you not only learn about their identity, but acknowledge it every step of the way. The greatest gesture you can make to another person is accepting them for who they are. If you talk with someone that understands you and accepts you, you will talk as if time does not matter and share your deepest secrets.

On the other hand, if you wish to attack an enemy psychologically, what could you do? As you might have guessed, you should attack their identity. Pull out all of their weaknesses and faults and attack them, while logically disproving their fundamental beliefs and philosophies. Systematically pull apart their psyche and destroy the pride they have for their identity and even the strongest enemy will fall to their knees.

Posted in Psychology & Medicine

OCEAN

Posted on by Jinavie

A major challenge in psychology has been the question: “how do we categorise personalities?”. There have been many different approaches, one famous model being the Big Five model. This model describes five traits, summarised as OCEAN:

  • Openness: Describes a person who is creative, imaginative, abstract and curious. People with high openness scores are often skilled in the arts and inventing. They always seek new experiences. The perfect example for Openness is Leonardo da Vinci. This trait can be subdivided into the subcategories: Imagination, Artistic interests, Sensitivity, Adventurous, Curiosity and Tolerance for diversity.
  • Conscientiousness: Describes a person who is reliable, trustworthy, hardworking, plans ahead, goal-oriented, efficient, responsible and moral. The perfect example for Conscientiousness is Robocop. The subcategories are: Sense of competence, Orderliness, Responsibility, Achievement-striving, Self-discipline and Deliberateness.
  • Extraversion: Describes a person who is chatty, energetic, passionate, stubborn, social, easily makes friends and opinionated. The perfect example for Extraversion is Eddie Murphy. The subcategories are: Friendliness, Gregariousness, Assertiveness, Activeness, Excitement-seeking and Positive.
  • Agreeableness: Describes a person who likes to help others, is compassionate, friendly, forgiving, trusting, cooperative and empathetic. It is more about humanism rather than describing a spineless person. The perfect example for Agreeableness is Mother Teresa. The subcategories are: Trusting, Sincerity, Altruism, Compliance, Modesty and Sympathy.
  • Neuroticism: Describes a person who is unstable, easily depressed or worried, dark and susceptible to negative emotions. It is not the same as “neurotic”, which describes a mental disorder. The perfect example for Neuroticism is Woody Allen. The subcategories are: Anxiety, Self-consciousness, Hostility, Self-indulgence, Moodiness and Sensitivity to stress.

When the model is applied to a person, the person gets a score as a percentage for each trait. By using the Big Five score, one can compare different personalities and predict what kind of behaviour they would show in different situations.

Posted in Psychology & Medicine

Fugue State

Posted on by Jinavie

Any computer user would have had an (unfortunate) experience where their computer crashed and all the information there was destroyed in a second. You may still be able to format it and use it without problems, but the data you had on the computer and any customisation you made would be lost. But what if this exact thing could happen to a human being?

There are many types of amnesia, with causes ranging from neurobiological (where trauma to the brain, a drug or some other pathology causes memory loss) to psychogenic (where there is no apparent biological cause for the amnesia). With psychogenic amnesia, one only experiences retrograde amnesia, where they cannot recall memories from the past. However, anterograde amnesia, where you cannot form new memories and keep forgetting what happened, is absent in psychogenic amnesia. Psychogenic amnesia is often caused by extreme stress or a traumatic event. One type of psychogenic amnesia is situation-specific amnesia, as seen in post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) that occurs after a severely stressful experience such as war, rape, child abuse or witnessing a brutal death. In this case, the patient tends to only lose memories regarding the event, as if the brain is trying to protect the person from the hurtful memories.

A more interesting and much rarer type of amnesia is global psychogenic amnesia, also known as a fugue state or dissociative fugue. Unlike situation-specific amnesia, patients in fugue states have absolutely no memory of their original identity and personality. Simply put, they (usually) retain all their functions such as speaking and social interactions, but their persona has been wiped out like a formatted computer. Fugue states often develop after severe stress and can happen to anyone. Similar to situation-specific amnesia, the brain blocks all memories of the past in an attempt to protect the person’s psyche. Due to the “deletion” of the previous persona, patients in fugue states often generate new identities and begin wandering (sometimes even travelling to another country) away from the place they lost their memories. This is most likely the brain attempting to leave the environment to avoid the stressor that caused the event. 

Fugue states are often short-lived, lasting from days to months. However, very rarely they can last for years. Once out of a fugue state, the patient recovers all of their past memories but have no recollection of what happened during the fugue state. This creates a hole in their memory. For obvious reasons, this usually causes intense confusion and distress in the patient and treatment is often based around helping the person come to an understanding about the episode and cope with the stressor that caused it.

Posted in Psychology & Medicine

I…

Posted on by Jinavie

It is human nature to want to know more about another person. However, ironically most people know less about themselves than they know others. The following is a simple psychological test that tells you about your true self.

Complete as many sentences as freely as you can, writing down whatever comes to your head. You have 5 minutes: (e.g. I am a male, I attend university)

  1. I _____________________
  2. I _____________________
  3. I _____________________
  4. I _____________________
  5. I _____________________

  6. I _____________________
  7. I _____________________
  8. I _____________________
  9. I _____________________
  10. I _____________________

  11. I _____________________
  12. I _____________________
  13. I _____________________
  14. I _____________________
  15. I _____________________

  16. I _____________________
  17. I _____________________
  18. I _____________________
  19. I _____________________
  20. I _____________________

This test is very useful as it is simple yet accurately portrays the subconscious mind and inner self. It is especially used in adult psychiatry consultations as answers become more subjective and creative as the subject’s age increases.
According to a study, from about number 10 the answers show the person’s wants and potential, and from 15 onwards subconscious desires and concerns. Ergo, answers become more accurate in their depiction of the true self as you fill in the lines.

The responses are sorted into six main categories:

  1. Social status (I am an employee of…)
  2. Faith (I am sure that justice will always win in the end)
  3. Desire (I want to be rich)
  4. Likes (I like watermelons)
  5. Judgement (I am stubborn)
  6. Blank (nothing written)

Interestingly, nothing shows more than you expect. For example, those who do not finish all twenty lines tend to be authoritative. This is because they show a tendency of seeing the world as black or white, or good or evil and cannot stand fuzzy, “grey” statements. Therefore, their view of their self tend to be simplistic, making their answers less detailed.

Now, let us explore the world of the inner self and the subconscious mind. For a more objective analysis of yourself, ask someone else to scrutinise your answers.