Love your enemies. If you are hit on one cheek, show them your other cheek, There is no other act that will provoke them more.
Tag: love
What Cannot Be Seen
Voici mon secret. Il est très simple: on ne voit bien qu’avec le cœur. L’essentiel est invisible pour les yeux.
“Here is my secret. It is very simple. It is only with the heart that one can see rightly. What is important is invisible to the eye.”
(from The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint Exupéry)
In The Little Prince there is a story that goes like this. At the age of six the protagonist, after seeing a picture of a boa constrictor swallowing an animal in a book, draws “Drawing Number One”:
He showed it to adults and asked if the drawing frightened them. They replied: “Why should any one be frightened by a hat?”
Drawing Number One was not a drawing of a hat, but a boa constrictor digesting an elephant. However, adults could not understand the true meaning of the drawing. So the protagonist drew Drawing Number Two which showed the elephant inside the boa constrictor. The adults advised him to put aside drawings of things like boa constrictors and elephants that could not be seen and instead take interest in geography, history, arithmetic and grammar. That is why he gave up his dream of becoming an artist.
Even after growing up and becoming a pilot, he sometimes showed people Drawing Number One and asked what they saw. But they only saw the hat, never the elephant or the boa constrictor. Unlike when he was young, he did not try to explain the true meaning of the drawing and instead brought up “adult topics” like golf and politics.
Money, status, beauty… Things that can be seen can fool you just as an optical illusion does. Things that are invisible such as the mind, creativity, understanding and love are the only things that can truly bring you satisfaction. So how can we look for things that we cannot see? We can infer that the wind blows from the rustling of leaves. If the leaves are not rustling, it means the wind is not blowing. To find like-minded people, a “password” needs to be used, just as we used leaves to find wind.
The Encyclopaedia of Absolute and Relative Knowledge is like a “password” to me, just like Drawing Number One was for the protagonist of The Little Prince. It is something that can be used to see if the other person shares my way of thinking and beliefs. Whether it be a book, a picture or a quote, such a password that represents you as a whole can be very useful in finding a true companion. If they ask you why you write such a thing, what the meaning of the picture is or why you respect the quote, then they are not the one you were looking for. The person you are desperately looking for will never ask “why” but instead respond with honest curiosity. Yes, the correct answer to the password is an expression of childlike curiosity. Upon seeing that person’s pure smile, you will know: that that person can decode your password, that they understand you, that they will accept your everything. That person is the one you have been looking for to accompany you for the rest of your life.
Emotion
Unless you are a psychopath, as a human being you are bound to feel emotions. Love, happiness, anger, sadness… there are many emotions that range from simple to complex. Emotions are an interesting system as they allow us to respond rapidly to a situation without thinking, while alerting other members of our society to what is happening to us. Essentially, emotions help us in survival and social interactions.
According to Professor Paul Ekman, emotions are universal from culture to culture, with facial expressions being almost identical from tribal cultures to modern ones. He found that there are six major emotions: anger, fear, disgust, sadness, surprise and happiness. He also pioneered the field of micro-expressions, which studies the flickering change in our facial expressions whenever we feel a certain emotion. As emotions usually occur before the conscious mind thinks, we are often unaware of the expressions we make.
Another psychologist, Dr. Paul Gilbert, divided emotions into three affect systems. They are as follows:
- Threat/protection system: associated with the fight-or-flight response, activates in response to danger. It causes anger and fear and is related to catecholamines (e.g. adrenaline) and cortisol (stress hormone).
- Want/desire system: associated with hunting and rewarding behaviour, helps us perform actions that aids survival such as obtaining food and mates. It is related to the emotion of excitement, which is caused by the neurotransmitter dopamine (part of the reward system).
- Contentment system: associated with met needs and social connection, especially when we feel safe and relaxed. It produces feelings of happiness and peace, linked to the hormone oxytocin (released with human touch, especially during kissing).
Dr. Gilbert also posited that as societies have evolved over time, our affect systems have been altered. For example, despite the lack of natural predators around, urban dwellers are often in a state of high anxiety. This causes a sustained stress response, leading to negative health outcomes. Furthermore, the agitation and the paranoia caused by constant fear leads to crimes such as murder and war. Our want/desire system has also been heightened as we find pleasure in gaining material wealth. This has led to aggressive capitalism, exploiting other people and the environment for selfish gain.
On the other hand, the contentment system has shrunk. People feel less content despite being in a generally healthier and richer world than 100 years ago. The reason being, our brain has evolved to help us survive, not to keep us happy.
One must learn how to adapt to these changes by finding a way to relieve tension and stress, while finding inner peace and happiness. Whether it be through sports, music, humour or simply talking to another person, finding your own way to deal with anxiety is the best road to being happy and content.
The Great Dictator
The following is the final speech given by Charlie Chaplin in the movie The Great Dictator (1940). To this day, it is considered one of the most inspirational speeches in modern history. (NB: video excerpt at the end)
“I’m sorry, but I don’t want to be an emperor. That’s not my business. I don’t want to rule or conquer anyone. I should like to help everyone, if possible, Jew, gentile, black man, white. We all want to help one another. Human beings are like that. We want to live by each other’s happiness – not by each other’s misery. We don’t want to hate and despise one another.
In this world there is room for everyone. And the good earth is rich and can provide for everyone. The way of life can be free and beautiful, but we have lost the way. Greed has poisoned men’s souls, has barricaded the world with hate, has goose-stepped us into misery and bloodshed. We have developed speed, but we have shut ourselves in. Machinery that gives abundance has left us in want. Our knowledge has made us cynical. Our cleverness, hard and unkind. We think too much and feel too little. More than machinery we need humanity. More than cleverness we need kindness and gentleness. Without these qualities, life will be violent and all will be lost.
The aeroplane and the radio have brought us closer together. The very nature of these inventions cries out for the goodness in men, cries out for universal brotherhood, for the unity of us all. Even now my voice is reaching millions throughout the world – millions of despairing men, women and little children – victims of a system that makes men torture and imprison innocent people. To those who can hear me, I say – do not despair. The misery that is now upon us is but the passing of greed – the bitterness of men who fear the way of human progress. The hate of men will pass, and dictators die, and the power they took from the people will return to the people and so long as men die, liberty will never perish.
Soldiers! Don’t give yourselves to brutes – men who despise you – enslave you – who regiment your lives – tell you what to do – what to think or what to feel! Who drill you, diet you, treat you like cattle, use you as cannon fodder. Don’t give yourselves to these unnatural men – machine men with machine minds and machine hearts! You are not machines! You are not cattle! You are men! You have the love of humanity in your hearts. You don’t hate! Only the unloved hate – the unloved and the unnatural!
Soldiers! Don’t fight for slavery! Fight for liberty! In the 17th Chapter of St. Luke it is written: “the Kingdom of God is within man” – not one man nor a group of men, but in all men! In you! You, the people have the power – the power to create machines. The power to create happiness! You, the people, have the power to make this life free and beautiful, to make this life a wonderful adventure.
Then, in the name of democracy, let us use that power! Let us all unite! Let us fight for a new world, a decent world that will give men a chance to work that will give youth the future and old age a security. By the promise of these things, brutes have risen to power, but they lie! They do not fulfil their promise; they never will. Dictators free themselves, but they enslave the people! Now, let us fight to fulfil that promise! Let us fight to free the world, to do away with national barriers, to do away with greed, with hate and intolerance. Let us fight for a world of reason, a world where science and progress will lead to all men’s happiness.
Soldiers! In the name of democracy, let us all unite!“
For Them
Eat, for those who are starving.
Run, for those who cannot walk.
Breathe, for those who are suffocating.
Dream, for those who have lost hope.
See, for those who are blind.
Listen, for those who are deaf.
Feel, for those who are numb.
Speak, for those who are voiceless.
Laugh, for those who are crying.
Love, for those who are heartbroken.
Live, for those who are dying.
Be happy, for those who are miserable.
There is no excuse for not doing what you can.
There is no excuse for trapping yourself in a box.
If it does not harm you or others, then do whatever the hell makes you happy.
Apple
Apples are strewn throughout history and mythology, acting as a key component of human societies. Its symbolism ranges from the sin of Adam and Eve to the love of Aphrodite. Let us look at some apples that have made a significant impact in the world – real or mythical.
Apple of Temptation: According to the bible, Eve is tempted by the snake to take the forbidden fruit from the Tree of Knowledge. By taking from the tree and eating this fruit (then sharing it with Adam), the two are banished from the Garden of Eden and humanity is cursed to live in the harsh world and for women to suffer the pain of childbirth. Although the bible never defines the forbidden fruit as an apple, artistic depictions during the Renaissance has solidified the idea. The eponymous Adam’s apple (the lump on men’s necks) is said to be a piece of the apple being stuck in Adam’s throat.
Apple of Discord: According to Greek mythology, Eris (goddess of discord) threw a golden apple into a wedding after not being invited to it. The apple was inscribed with the message: “For the fairest one” and Hera, Athena and Aphrodite all claimed the apple was for them. Eventually, the judgement was delegated to Paris, prince of Troy. Each goddess bribed him with power, strength and love respectively but Paris eventually chose Aphrodite and in return, received the most beautiful woman in the world – Helen of Sparta. This sparked the great Trojan War, resulting in the destruction of Troy by the Greek alliance.
Apple of Love: Atalanta (Greek mythology) was a beautiful woman who had sworn virginity to the goddess Artemis. To avoid marriage, she challenged suitors to a footrace and only the winner would take her hand in marriage (the rest were killed). A man named Hippomenes went to Aphrodite’s temple to seek advice and was given three golden apples. He used the apples to distract Atalanta during the race by tossing it near her. This allowed him to win the race and ultimately took Atalanta’s hand in marriage. This story also shows how the ancient Greeks saw apples as a symbol of love, as evidenced by the gesture of one throwing an apple to the person they are in love with. Catching the apple was accepted as a sign of reciprocity.
Apple of Challenge: One of Hercules’ twelve challenges was to take the Golden Apples of Hesperides, protected by Ladon, a dragon with a hundred heads. Hercules bargained with Atlas to hold the Earth while he retrieved it. Atlas tried to walk away free from his damned task, but Hercules tricked him by asking to hold the Earth while he shifted his cloak.
Apple of Death: In the fairy tale, Snow White, the evil queen uses a poisonous apple to murder Snow White. The symbolism of the apple is similar to the biblical story mentioned above. Despite the dwarves warning her about stranger danger, Snow White takes the gift of a stranger without enough caution and suffers the consequences. However, she is resurrected by the kiss of the prince. Perhaps Aphrodite’s apple of love counters the evil apple of death and sin.
Apple of Revolution: A famous Swiss folklore describes how William Tell had to shoot an apple from his son’s head with his crossbow as punishment for not submitting to the occupying Austrians’ leader, Gessler. Being an expert marksman, he successfully hit his target instead of killing his son. When he was questioned why he drew two bolts from his quiver, Tell replied that he was aiming to shoot Gessler if he accidentally killed his son. This infuriated Gessler, who arrested William Tell. However, Tell escaped and went on to lead the revolution against the oppressors, aiding in the liberation of Switzerland (according to the legend).
Apple of Philosophy: There is a record of a young Martin Luther (who founded the protestant church) writing in his diary: “Even if I knew that tomorrow the world would go to pieces, I would still plant my apple tree”. The philosophy behind this saying is not that gardening is important. Here, Luther is saying that we should live every day as if it is the last day. Live without regrets. Besides, would we not look silly if the world did not end and we had wasted a day panicking and doing absolutely nothing productive?
Apple of Knowledge: The story of how Isaac Newton devised the theory of gravity after being hit on the head with an apple is a famous story. Although the “hitting on the head” part is dubious, evidence suggests that he used apples falling from a tree as an example of how gravity works. Although the concept of gravity was already established, Newton focussed on how apples always fell perpendicular to the ground and deduced that objects have a gravitational pull on other objects (as the Earth pulls the apple and vice versa). He extrapolated from the apple to discover how Earth’s gravitational field controls the orbit of the Moon. Thus, it can be said that apples played a “crucial” role in the advancement of modern physics (although Newton probably did not need the apples for his theory).
Apple of Innovation: In 1976, Steve Jobs co-founded Apple Inc. to develop the first personal computer. The company would go on to revolutionise mainstream digital technology by coming up with innovative products such as the iPod. Steve Jobs was the face of this new wave of innovation; with his bold outlook on the future and powerful leadership he made Apple Inc. one of the most successful companies in the 21st century. Jobs successfully popularised many pieces of technology, such as personal computers, portable music players and tablet PCs. Interestingly, he came up with the logo and name of the company after seeing a cartoon of Newton and his apple. Perhaps Jobs was seeking to create a company that would be one of the many “apples” that were turning points in history.
Hedgehog’s Dilemma
Imagine two hedgehogs in the middle of winter. Even though they wish to huddle together to keep warm, they must keep distance to not become stabbed by the other hedgehog. There is no way they can avoid hurting each other without keeping their distance. Although both hedgehogs badly want to be close and intimate, they cannot. Therefore, the hedgehogs sacrifice the potential warmth for their own comfort.
Human relationships are just like the hedgehogs in the allegory. If a relationship is too close, the two people have a serious danger of hurting each other in one way or another. It is crucial to find the balance between keeping distance and having enough intimacy to have a good relationship, but much like the hedgehogs, this is a very difficult task.
Some people may have the unfortunate experience of being pricked by another hedgehog and learn that getting too close hurts too much. These people try and keep their distance from other people and rely on their internal warmth to not freeze during the winter. This phenomenon is more pronounced in introverted people and clearly seen in those suffering from social anxiety.
This is the dilemma of the hedgehogs: should one sacrifice the warmth of companionship to avoid pain? Or should one overcome the potential pain to attain the intimacy that we all seek? Figuring out where the perfect balance lies and respecting each other’s personal space is quite possibly one of the most important factors in having a healthy relationship.
Chivalry
Chivalry was a concept developed in medieval times and is defined as the noble qualities a knight was supposed to have, such as courage and a readiness to help the weak. It is characterised by the traits of gallantry, courtesy and honour. Nowadays, the concept of chivalry is largely confined to the mannerisms a gentleman should treat his lady with.
The following is a list of some gentlemanly acts any man should follow to pay due respect to their women:
- Open doors and pull out chairs.
- Be punctual, polite, keep calm and collected.
- Put your coat or jacket around her on a cold day.
- Be helpful, such as helping fix things and lifting heavy objects.
- Cover her with your umbrella even if it means you get wetter.
- Walk on the outside of the sidewalk. (This is derived from the tradition of Victorian England when people would throw excrements out the windows – the male would be more likely to be hit and thus carried an umbrella at all times)
- Do not be thrift and know how to pay bills discreetly.
- When conversing, listen to what she says and be attentive.
- Be romantic, treat her with flowers, gifts and surprises.
- Compliment her and accept her for the person she is.
- Never make meaningless promises or go against your word.
- Respect her.
Although most of this list is part of general etiquette, it is indubitably a crucial part in courting. In fact, as author John Bridges said, being a gentleman requires “a little logic, a bit of forethought and a great deal of consideration for others”.
However, one cannot help wonder how long chivalry can last in this modern world. As chivalry was based on the idea that the strong should help and protect the weak, it essentially implies that women are weaker and in need of protection by the man. Ideologically speaking, this goes against the arguments of some feminists. Does this mean that those women do not expect chivalry from males?
Regardless, a true gentleman must act chivalrously and treat ladies with proper etiquette if they expect to be respected and loved in return.
Pygmalion Effect
In 1968, Robert Rosenthal, a social psychology professor at Harvard University, and Lenore Jacobson, a primary school principal with 20 years experience, performed a spontaneous intelligence test on a primary school in San Francisco then randomly chose 20% of the students in one class. They then gave a list of the names of those students to the teachers and convinced them that they were “students with a high possibility of improving their intelligence and career success”. Eight months later, they performed the same intelligence test and found that the students on that list performed significantly better than other students on average. Not only that, but the score for the whole school was pulled up by those students. The most important factor was the expectations and encouragement from the teachers. This study proved that the expectations a teacher places on their students has a real effect on improving their grades.
The Pygmalion effect can be summarised as the phenomenon when a person’s efficiency or results improve due to the expectations and interests of another person.
The eponymous story is from Greek mythologies, regarding a sculptor named Pygmalion. After seeing many women be so immoral and vulgar, he could not see beauty in any women anymore. This led him to sculpt the most beautiful woman out of ivory instead. After finishing his sculpture, he gazed upon its face and instantly fell head over heels for it. Every day Pygmalion would caress, stroke and truly love “her”. However, being a statue it could not return his love and he grew sadder and sadder. He went to the Temple of Aphrodite and begged her to help him achieve his true love. Upon returning home, he kissed and touched the sculpture like any other day. And lo and behold, every part of the sculpture his hands touched turned from hard ivory to soft, clear skin and the sculpture eventually turned into a gorgeous lady. Thus, thanks to Aphrodite’s grace the two could live happily ever after in love.
The Pygmalion effect is extremely useful in everyday life. When parents and teachers believe that a child has talent, they spend more effort trying to grow that talent and the child ends up more successful. The simple task of showing interest to the child promotes optimism and the child works harder to meet those expectations. The child did not receive any extra compliments or rewards but their efficiency goes up regardless, thanks to their parents’ and teachers’ beliefs.
Similarly, when a boss shows passion towards and has great expectations of an employee, their efficiency will go up. The Pygmalion effect is particularly powerful in relationships, where if the two love each other and are good to each other, their love will naturally deepen and they will become happier.
Unfortunately, people have a tendency to underestimate the power of love and are unable to utilise this great effect. Therefore, children and employees are often plagued by the golem effect (the phenomenon of low expectations causing a fall in efficiency) instead.
Three Graces
Among the many gods and goddesses in Greek mythology, there is a trio of goddesses who are personifications of beauty, elegance and grace – Aglaia (brightness and splendour), Thalia (festivity and plentiful) and Euphrosyne (joyfulness). They are daughters of Zeus and Eurynome the nymph and are famous for their pure, graceful looks and representing the beauty in life. Also known as the Charities, they are often depicted in artworks as dancing merrily in a circle or tending to Aphrodite, the goddess of love and sex, and her son Eros.
The Graces are known as young, virgin maidens who are often depicted as naked with clear, fair skin. They are beauty in the purest form with the absence of sexual lust (despite the nudity). Although they have no active role in mythologies, it is considered that their presence in any party or festival ensures people will have a joyous and fun time. Much like the Muses, the Three Graces are also connected to the arts, often shown with musical instruments. They are one of the most popular models in paintings and sculptures as they embody the concept of perfect beauty. This is why, like Aphrodite, they tend to be drawn with body proportions matching the Golden Ratio.
Interestingly, they are almost always arranged to have two facing forwards with the middle one facing the other way.
(From top-left: Sandro Botticelli’s Primavera, Antonio Canova’s The Three Graces, Raphael’s The Three Graces, Greek sculpture of The Three Graces, Raphael’s Cupid and The Three Graces)