Tag: happy

Posted in Life & Happiness

Silver Medal Effect

Posted on by Jinavie

Imagine that you are an Olympic athlete. You have performed admirably and are stepping up to the podium to receive a medal for being one of the top three athletes at the game. Question: would you rather receive the silver or the bronze medal?

The logical answer would be that the silver medal is better, as second place is better than third. It is clear that the person who came second performed better and will also receive a more valuable prize. However, the opposite is true in reality.

In 1995, psychologists Victoria Medvec, Scott Madey and Thomas Gilovich studied video recordings and interviews of athletes from the Atlanta Summer Olympic Games. They studied facial expressions of medalists and noted a stark contrast between those who won gold, silver and bronze.

Obviously, the gold medalists were ecstatic and were not afraid to show this. By contrast, silver medalists rarely smiled immediately after their achievement, often showing flashes of sadness or contempt instead. They would usually smile on the podium as they received the medal, but compared to bronze and gold medalists, they were far more likely to show a fake smile rather than a Duchenne smile – a true, involuntary smile associated with happiness.
Interestingly, those who won bronze looked far happier than the silver medalists.

This effect has been reported through other observational studies, such as a 2006 study that looked at athletes in the 2004 Athens Olympic Games.
In fact, almost everyone will have had similar experiences where coming second place somehow feels worse than not doing well in a tournament at all. This is because of counterfactual thinking.

Counterfactuals are essentially “What if?” scenarios that we dream up in our heads. Being imaginative creatures, we are prone to thinking of what could have been, then proceed to have regrets or be disappointed by something that never even happened. The closer we get to our goals, the bigger the disappointment we have when we fail to achieve it.

We all fall victim to counterfactual thinking. We often wonder what would have happened had we taken action earlier, or did something slightly differently, then lament that the best case scenario did not happen. We compare our reality to a hypothetical situation and become frustrated.

Many studies have confirmed this in various settings, showing that objective achievement means nothing in the face of the subjective perception of the achievement. Even if you work hard and get an A- in an assignment, you could be sad and stressed that you did not get an A+.

A simple antidote to counterfactual thinking is turning it on its head. Instead of thinking that it is a shame that you didn’t achieve gold, be glad that you achieved such a high result. Instead of fretting that you did not get the best mark, imagine how bad it would had been if you had failed. Instead of lamenting that you had a bad day, be grateful that you did not have an ill fortune such as being hit by a bus or suffering a brain aneurysm rupture.

At the end of the day, the problem with counterfactual thinking is that it is based on our own imagination. We are creating stress in our own heads, actively choosing to be unhappy.

Because of our high expectations, we fail to enjoy the pleasures of life or appreciate the absolute value of our achievements. We forget that we don’t have to be the best or that we don’t have to win every game.

We forget to be content.

Posted in Life & Happiness

Work-Life Balance

Posted on by Jinavie

An important part of most of our lives as an adult is work.
We need money to pay for food and housing, but also to fulfil our wants and realising our dreams, such as indulging in gourmet foods and beautiful clothes, going on trips, funding a hobby or buying a nice house.
Careers can be an important source of personal pride and sense of purpose, challenging us and stimulating our growth.
Workplaces are also a valuable source of social interaction, as we meet people we might not have met in other settings.

But as important as work is, it is perhaps overemphasised in our society.
Money is great, but above a certain line, there is a diminishing return on how much happiness it brings, because it promotes greed rather than contentness.
Our pride in our job may lead to us making it too large a part of our identity, resulting in a crisis when we feel we are not good at our jobs or cannot keep working anymore.
Our colleagues and superiors may be the greatest source of stress and annoyance, leading to burnout at work.

Overall, work can be a source of great stress and misery in our lives.

Most importantly, life is a zero-sum game. If we devote time to work, it takes away time from other aspects of our life. We often overlook the “little things“, such as spending time with our loved ones, enjoying hobbies and interests, and taking care of our health.

But things such as relationships and health are what we do need to devote time to, as they can be irreparably damaged without proper care and maintenance.

So if you don’t have time for these “little things”, ask yourself what you are making time for. Is what you get out of your job really worth it all? Is it worth the stress and sacrificing the “little things” for?

Sometimes, it is necessary to work hard and make sacrifices to earn enough for survival or to achieve a certain goals. But more often than not, we are failing to be content and losing what we already have in the pursuit of something bigger (and out of reach).

To prevent work from taking over your life, we must balance it by making time for various outlets.

An effective way to balance the stress and burnout from work is by having a creative outlet. Having a hobby such as playing an instrument, writing (e.g. creative writing, journaling, blogging), drawing or some other activity that challenges you to grow outside of work helps you to feel engaged and active. Life is so much more interesting with a passion, especially when work fails to provide it.

Improving physical health through exercise gives you more energy so you can do more with your free time than just lie down and watch TV after work.
Meditation gives us tools to be resilient against various forms of stress by teaching us to let go of things we cannot change and to be mindful of the good things in life.

The last important outlet is connection. Friends and family provide love, support and compassion when we are going through tough times. Even being able to co-miserate about a mild annoyance over a coffee with a colleague can make work more bearable. Sharing a laughter and enjoying moments of simple pleasure together with a loved one helps remind us of how important happiness and contentness is in life.

Achieving a healthy work-life balance is too deep of a topic to cover in one article, especially because it varies from person to person.
Nonetheless, it is worth asking yourself whether you are truly happy with the balance between work and your personal life, and how you may live a happier life by restoring said balance.

(Image source: Puuung http://www.grafolio.com/puuung1)
Posted in Science & Nature

Antimatter

Posted on by Jinavie

Nature is surprisingly balanced. For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction (Newton’s Third Law of Motion). Energy can change forms in an isolated system, but cannot be created or destroyed as the total energy must remain constant (Law of Conservation of Energy). Similarly, matter is balanced by the existence of antimatter.

Antimatter is a substance that is the polar opposite of matter. For example, instead of positively charged protons and negatively charged electrons, anti-protons are negative and anti-electrons (or positrons) are positive. Much like matter, antimatter particles can interact with each other to form more complex particles, such as an anti-atom, meaning that it is conceivable that an entire world could be made out of antimatter.

When antimatter and matter collide with each other, they annihilate. Much like the equation 1 + -1 = 0, the two opposites cancel each other out. Conversely, to create matter out of nothing, you must create an equal amount of antimatter to balance it out. Strangely though, physicists have noted that there is a great imbalance between the two in the observable universe. There seems to be far more matter than antimatter, which does not make sense. The question of why this imbalance exists is one of the biggest unsolved mysteries in physics.

An interesting lesson we can take away from antimatter is the concept that to create something out of nothing, you must balance it out with “anti-something”. If you borrow money from the bank, you may have $1000 now, but you have also created a -$1000 debt. The total balance is still 0.

The same concept can be applied to happiness. If something makes you happy, then the possibility exists that the same thing can cause you an equal amount of grief. Let’s say you find a fulfilling relationship with a significant other who brings you extreme joy. This is balanced by the extreme grief that will be brought to you if the relationship is strained or ends abruptly. Ironically, the pursuit of happiness creates more room for potential misery, as grief comes from the loss of something we care about.

So what does this imply? Does it mean that we should avoid falling in love or caring about anything, because it will only hurt us in the end? Should we even bother trying to live a happy life if it is cancelled out by all the sadness that it can bring along the way? Of course, these are silly thoughts. How dull life would be if we did not have any ups or downs.

Instead, the lesson here is that we should be mindful that happiness is not free. Grief is the price we pay so that we can experience the wonderful moments of joy, love and connection that life can give us only if we reach out. If you avoided connecting with someone or taking a leap of faith due to fear of failure or loss, then your life would be empty. This philosophy allows us to be grateful for the joyful moments, while helping us endure grief as we know that is the price we must pay for true happiness.

You can’t let fear steal your funk. To quote Alfred Lord Tennyson: 

“‘Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.”

Posted in Philosophy

The Meaninglessness Of It All

Posted on by Jinavie

What is the meaning of life? This has been one of the greatest philosophical questions of all time, pondered by almost every human being at some stage in their life. In the early days, the meaning of life was simple: survive. We had to use all of our resources to feed and warm ourselves, while defending ourselves from the various creative ways nature can kill us. But as civilisation developed and we had more luxury of food, time and thought, we began to wonder more and more: why are we here?

When we are babies, the world revolves around us. Parents exist to feed us, what we see are the extension of our minds and what we cannot see does not exist. This belief carries on to adulthood somewhat. We see this in old beliefs that the universe revolves around the Earth, and religions telling us that everything on Earth was created for mankind. The concepts of destiny and divine will provided us with purpose in this world. We felt important and valuable because we felt that we were part of something greater and our lives mattered.

But as science developed, we came to learn that the universe does not exist for us. Things don’t happen because they are scripted as an intricate chain reaction as part of a grand story; they just happen thanks to random chance. Biology teaches us that life is a product of a series of accidents and mistakes, to create better adapted beings. Statistics teaches us that we are not special; just a point on a bell curve. Psychology teaches us how flawed we are in interpreting cause and effect, thanks to our brain’s tendency of seeking patterns resulting in cognitive biases.

In short, there is a real possibility that there is no meaning of life. We are simply happy accidents amidst the course of the universe’s timeline.

Yet we cling to the idea that we need to find our purpose. We cannot bear the thought that we have no celestial guidance as we navigate through life, or that our choices and actions play no role in how the world spins on. We fear that without purpose, we are worthless. The thought that life is meaningless invokes existential dread and we wonder what’s the point of doing anything in life.

However, consider the opposite. If we are not bound by fate or some calling, then our lives are truly ours. We are not chess pieces following every instruction of an unseen player. Instead, we have the freedom to make our own choices and write the story of our lives however we want. This is no doubt scary, because we have little guidance along this journey. Nevertheless, it is our story, our choices, our life.

Instead of lamenting that we serve no purpose, we can create our own purpose. We won the lottery and got to experience consciousness. How will you use that gift? Will you waste it away by doing nothing, or will you make the most of it by enjoying it? If we don’t have some mission to accomplish, then we can use our time to enjoy our passions (given that it does not harm anyone) and challenge ourselves to be better people.

The pursuit of happiness, to be the best version of yourself, to help others lead a happier life… However you want to make use of your life, as long as you are content with it and accept that it is your choice, that is the true meaning of life. Hopefully, it is something positive and constructive, rather than something harmful or something that you would regret in your final moments.

You are not worthless because you have no purpose. You are priceless because there are no expectations or plans or predestined path for you. Life is like a blank canvas with little restriction on what you can do with it. You might as well get the most value from it by painting the best damn picture you can – something for you to smile upon and be proud of, while inspiring others to paint their own beautiful pictures.

Enjoy the meaninglessness of life.

Posted in Life & Happiness

Happy Ending

Posted on by Jinavie

One of the biggest lies told to us by the world is that of the happy ending. Almost every fairy tale (modern versions, at least) ends with a happily ever after, as do many books and movies. In spite of all the twists, conflicts and climaxes, we are told that everything will be okay once you achieve your goal, whether that is finding the hidden treasure, heroically winning a battle or marrying your true love.

With this in mind, young people fight hard to achieve their goals, as we believe that once we succeed, we will be happy for the rest of our lives. To do this, some people sacrifice their health and time with their loved ones to advance their career. Some people will rush to find a partner to settle down with, so they can fulfil their dream of getting married and owning a house. Others will focus all of their energy accumulating wealth for the future, even if it means not spending a single dime that is deemed unnecessary. Whether it is professionally, romantically or financially, we often cling to the idea that success is a finish line that can be crossed, while happiness awaits on the other side.

But life is not like the movies. We dream of beautiful weddings, but soon realise that it is not a happy ending; it is the beginning of an arduous journey requiring much sacrifice and compromise. We learn that even with all the possessions and wealth in the world, human greed always craves for something more. Unlike the movies, life does not cut to the credits once you succeed in one thing. It is a series of events that goes on and on until you die. No matter how much you succeed, there is always the possibility of failure.

The issue with the idea of happy endings is that it defines happiness as a reward at the end of a quest. This is a lie. Happiness is not something you attain, but a way of life. It is a state, much like flying, where forces outside of your control will try to pull you down from it, but you can push yourself back up with the right tools and skills. You have to fuel yourself with sustainable sources of happiness, such as connections and passions. As a bird must keep flapping its wings every now and then to remain in the air, one must continue to nurture and maintain their own happiness.

They say that if you give a man a fish, you feed him for a day, but if you teach a man to fish, then you feed him for a lifetime. Instead of giving children the false promise of happy endings, we should be teaching them how to journey through life with a happy state of mind.

“I always had this idea that you should never give up a happy middle in the hopes of a happy ending, because there is no such thing as a happy ending. Do you know what I mean? There is so much to lose.”

~ John Green

Posted in Psychology & Medicine

Creative Outlet

Posted on by Jinavie

A popular factoid (a popular piece of trivia that is actually false) is that the brain has two sides: the rational, logical left brain and the creative, emotional right brain. The human brain does have differences between the two hemispheres, but there is no evidence that there is a clear division of functions between the two. The factoid is meant to be a figurative description of the brain.

Although the factoid is medically wrong, we can still learn something from it. All of us lead very busy lives. We are overworked and have little free time and energy. Our minds are filled with facts and figures, as we have high expectations of being specialists in a given field. Our “rational” mind works in overdrive to plan our careers and schedules, while churning through data at work like a computer. On the other hand, our “creative” mind is neglected.

If you look at a child, they are avatars of creativity. They imagine entire worlds, they think outside the box and they are constantly singing and dancing and drawing. But the older we get, the more we lose this side. We lack the time to play our saxophones that we loved as a teenager. Our cameras gather dust in the bookshelf. Our notebooks yearn to be filled with poems, lyrics and stories. All because we “don’t have time”.

Creative outlets are extremely important as they provide balance. Our rational mind provides logical intelligence, but our creative mind is the source of emotional intelligence. If it is neglected, it atrophies and withers away like any muscle that is not used for a long time. We lose our ability to regulate our emotions, to empathise with one another and we forget how to be happy.
Having a creative outlet gives you a chance to enter flow state and escape the stress and dreariness that comes with modern life. It strengthens your emotional intelligence so that you become more mindful of your own emotions.
In short, it is key to enjoying a happier, more balanced life.

But even if you understand the importance, there is the practical problem of not having enough time. The solution is simple: make time for it. Why is it that we set aside time to go for a run to improve our physical health, yet we cannot spare any time to improve our mental health? Whether it be singing a song in the car during your commute, or doodling a sketch while you drink a cup of coffee, there is always time to indulge your creative side.

The best part of having a creative outlet is that it does not have to be for an audience. It can be for your own enjoyment. Even if you make mistakes because you didn’t have time to practise, no one will judge you. What is important is that you dedicate some amount of time every week so that you can get back into forming a habit. Feel free to make mistakes, to be silly and to just enjoy yourself.

If you feel more confident, you could try carefully sharing your creativity with your friends and loved ones. It may be ignored, but it may strike a chord with someone who shares your passion. You may learn about a deeper side to them and it may strengthen your connection. It might even inspire them to foster their own creative outlets. Furthermore, if someone happens to like your work and gives you positive feedback, it will fill your heart with pride and joy.

Creativity is more than just a hobby; it is a state of mind. If you feel that you lost it somewhere along the way of growing up, don’t worry. Just think back to when you were a little kid drawing with crayons and the pure bliss you experienced when you were “in the zone” with your instrument as a teen. You will realise that the creative spark still glimmers in your heart, waiting to burn brightly again.

(Image source: Puuung http://www.grafolio.com/puuung1)

Posted in Life & Happiness

The Luxury You Cannot Afford

Posted on by Jinavie

The night sky looks darker than it is because the bright moon and stars offer contrast. Similarly, bright colours truly “pop” in a background of dark, simple tones. A tiny pinch of salt brings out deeper, sweeter flavours in chocolate milk and watermelon because it offers a contrast in tastes. Contrast allows us to experience something at a greater level.

Happiness is much the same. Some of our happiest memories are from when we enjoyed luxuries we could not afford. An example would be eating out at a nice restaurant when your budget is straining. You know that rationally, you should not be doing that as you need to save money, but emotionally, you know that this is one of the few cases where money really does buy happiness.

The greatest luxury we cannot afford most of the time, is time itself. All of us lead such busy lives that we lack the free time and energy to indulge in what we are passionate about: hobbies we enjoy, sleeping enough or spending time with people we love. However, this is exactly the time we need to set aside a small break. Ironically, the busier life gets, the more vital it becomes that you stop for a moment and take care of yourself.

Whether it be spending a couple hours having lunch with a friend, or sitting down for half an hour to write in your journal, or singing a song on your guitar for ten minutes, breaks are essential. Even if you feel like you cannot spare a single minute, take five minutes to sit down with a cup of coffee, not doing anything productive, just watching people passing by on the streets. Better yet, lie down on the grass and stare into the blue sky for a little while.

When you look back on your life in ten, twenty years’ time, you will not be savouring the moment of working twelve hours straight without food. You will reminisce on how you spent one evening away from studying to play board games with your friends, but still passed the exams because you were refreshed the next day and could study more effectively.

Happiness is not a grand achievement, but a state of mind. It cannot take root in an overworked soul that is torturing itself. Enjoying the luxury of a break when you think you have no time is one step towards breaking the miserable cycle that our busy lives place us in.

So go on, take five and treat yourself.

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Posted in Psychology & Medicine

Anxiety

Posted on by Jinavie

The human brain is one of the most sophisticated computers ever developed. It is so powerful that it can simulate all kinds of imaginative scenarios, allowing us to predict and plan for the future. Unfortunately for us, it is a double-edged sword that brings with it the curse of anxiety.

Anxiety is different to fear in that fear is a response to a specific present danger, such as a bear, whereas anxiety is usually a more vague concern for the future. Because our brain can imagine many unpleasant possible outcomes, we become fearful of what may come. This might be because of a past trauma, such as being afraid of abandonment, or because we do not know enough to safely predict what may happen, such as starting a new job.

Regardless of what the source may be, anxiety can be damaging as it prevents us from living life to the fullest. To protect ourselves from becoming overwhelmed by anxiety, we develop strategies to ease our anxiety from a very young age. A common example is an object that gives reassurance, such as a teddy bear or a security blanket. Unfortunately, these are less socially acceptable to carry as an adult.

In some ways, almost everything we do could be seen as an attempt to escape anxiety. We strive for stable jobs so that we don’t have to worry about financial problems in the future. We seek pleasure and happiness, through healthy means such as a passionate hobby or unhealthy like alcohol, to distract us from anxiety. We look for a partner who we can connect with emotionally – someone who can hold us and tell us everything will be alright, even when all hope seems lost.

Anxiety is unavoidable, but it can be managed. There are many effective methods.

First, there is distraction. Hobbies and interests let us enter flow state, where our worries melt away because we are so focussed on the present and enjoying the moment that we do not need to worry about the future. Music gives us similar relief, as it helps us calm our nerves and drowns out the neurotic voice in our heads.

Second, there is the physiological approach. Anxiety raises your heart rate and breathing rate. You can trick your brain in to being less anxious by slowing your heart rate and breathing down. This can be done effectively through breathing exercises, meditation or even a simple, relaxing bath.

Third, there is mindfulness. Train yourself in becoming more aware of why you are feeling anxious. Anxiety usually stems from a single source then spreads like wildfire into its general form. Finding the source will make it easier to take the next step.

Lastly and most importantly, there is reassurance. This may be external, such as the kind words from a friend or a motivational poster, or internal, where you remind yourself that you will be okay. Remind yourself of all of the horrible experiences you have already survived in your life. Remind yourself that regardless of how stressful it was at the time, you are still (hopefully) okay. Remind yourself that you are an amazing, resilient, capable person who will get through this.

However, be aware that up to one-fifth of people suffer from anxiety disorders – a group of psychological disorders that cause persistent, distressing anxiety and dysfunctional behaviours developed to try reduce that anxiety. These disorders, such as phobias, panic disorder and OCD, are much more complicated to treat. They often require professional help and even medicines to treat. Even so, the above psychological treatments are used in conjunction and certainly can’t do much harm.

Anxiety is one of the greatest barriers to happiness. So in the wise words of Meher Baba: “Don’t worry, be happy”.

Posted in Life & Happiness

Passion

Posted on by Jinavie

“People love what other people are passionate about – you remind them of what they forgot.”

~ Mia, La La Land

What do you do for fun? It sounds like a simple question, yet a surprising number of people have difficulty answering it. Some fortunate people will talk passionately about their hobbies and interests for hours on end. Others, reflect on their day-to-day lives and realise that they haven’t been truly passionate about anything for a long time.

We all possess passion deep in our hearts. Think of your childhood – fulfilling curiosities, exploring new places, playing your favourite instrument or sport… But at some point, they became lost under the mounting pressures of stress and fatigue from work, financial responsibilities and relationships. Sadly with time, passion falls lower and lower on people’s list of priorities. Ironically, passion is the cure to the reasons why people forgo their passions.

Passion is one of the best ways we can obtain happiness. This intense emotion overwhelms us with a rush of excitement and joy, motivating us while dissolving away our worries and fatigue. With passion, we can enter flow state – the magical state where the world around you fades away and only you and the subject of your passion remain, leaving you in perfectly focussed bliss.
For most people with a passion, they will often say that it is part of their identity. They feel the desire to engage in the activity at the end of a rough day and when they do, they feel cathartic and recharged.

An interesting aspect of passion is how we will happily sacrifice time and money for it. Perhaps this is because we know that this is an example of how money can actually buy happiness. We are happy to pay the cost of happiness, whether it be waiting two days in the rain for a tennis tournament ticket, buying an expensive instrument or losing sleep practising intensely for a tournament.
In a sense, passion for a hobby or interest is quite similar to love.

For those who don’t know what their passion is, think back to your younger self and remember what made you really happy. If you can’t or if it is no longer feasible, there is always the option of finding and learning a new passion. There are some common qualities in hobbies and interests that people are passionate about:

  • Ideally, it should be skill-based, so that you can improve in it through investing time and energy. The desire to be better is an excellent self-motivation tool and the key to reaching flow state.
  •  It should be sustainable and not self-destructive. For example, luxurious parties, drugs, alcohol, sex are all examples of dopamine-inducing activities that are not sustainable as they cause “lows” where you feel miserable without the next “hit”. Furthermore, some of them may damage your physical and mental health rather than improve it. You should also consider whether it is financially sustainable, as at the end of the day, you still need to pay the bills.
  • It should excite you and make you happy. Sometimes people force themselves to like the same things as their significant other. It is okay to have different passions in a relationship, but you should try to understand why that person is passionate about that particular thing instead of blindly copying it. Plus, it is healthy to have something in your own life outside of your relationship that can keep you happy.

Unfortunately, you are the only person that can find your own passion. If you have forgotten passions, then that is a great starting point. Pick up a camera, brush, guitar, pen, racquet or whatever it is that made you happy, and revive your passion.

If you truly cannot think of anything, then focus on something that has piqued your interest and give it an honest try. It will be a much more effective use of your time than lamenting that your life is dreary and unhappy.
A practical tip is to start with a creative hobby, such as music or the arts, or a sport. These tend to fulfil most of the above criteria while also offering a creative or physical release, both of which can easily be lacking in our modern day lives.

Passion is a renewable source of happiness that does not rely on other people. Many people rely on the company of other’s for their happiness, but this is ultimately unsustainable and will lead to resentment.

How can we make someone else happy if we don’t know how to make ourselves happy? Maybe this is why we find passionate people attractive – it reminds us of what we had forgotten and how happy we could be if we tried.

So go on, be passionate about something.

(Image source: Puuung http://www.grafolio.com/puuung1)

Posted in History & Literature

Sword Of Damocles

Posted on by Jinavie

Damocles was a courtier to Dionysius II, king of Syracuse, Sicily. One day, he exclaimed how envious he was of the sheer power and authority the king wielded. To Damocles’ surprise, King Dionysius II responded by offering to switch places with him for a day to experience what it is like to be a king. Damocles jumped at this chance and agreed to it immediately.

So Damocles was changed into royal attire and was allowed to sit on an ornate throne. But as he sat on the throne, indulging in the magnificence he was surrounded by, he noticed that Dionysius had arranged for an addition to the throne room. He had arranged for a large sword to be hung above the throne, suspended on a single hair of a horse’s tail. The sword loomed over Damocles’ head, threatening to drop and kill him in an instant at any given moment.

The constant threat of death was too much for Damocles and he quickly begged the king for mercy to leave the throne. He finally understood that with great power, comes great danger around every corner. It was impossible for Damocles to enjoy the luxurious life of a king with a sword above his head.

The allegorical sword may not just be the threat of death. Many of us voluntarily hang a sword above our heads: anxiety for the future, paranoia that something will go wrong and of course, existential dread. How can we possibly be happy with a sword dangling above us? Happiness cannot blossom from a soul drenched in fear.

Look above you: what kind of sword hangs above your head? What is preventing you from being happy?