Tag: grief

Posted in Science & Nature

Antimatter

Posted on by Jinavie

Nature is surprisingly balanced. For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction (Newton’s Third Law of Motion). Energy can change forms in an isolated system, but cannot be created or destroyed as the total energy must remain constant (Law of Conservation of Energy). Similarly, matter is balanced by the existence of antimatter.

Antimatter is a substance that is the polar opposite of matter. For example, instead of positively charged protons and negatively charged electrons, anti-protons are negative and anti-electrons (or positrons) are positive. Much like matter, antimatter particles can interact with each other to form more complex particles, such as an anti-atom, meaning that it is conceivable that an entire world could be made out of antimatter.

When antimatter and matter collide with each other, they annihilate. Much like the equation 1 + -1 = 0, the two opposites cancel each other out. Conversely, to create matter out of nothing, you must create an equal amount of antimatter to balance it out. Strangely though, physicists have noted that there is a great imbalance between the two in the observable universe. There seems to be far more matter than antimatter, which does not make sense. The question of why this imbalance exists is one of the biggest unsolved mysteries in physics.

An interesting lesson we can take away from antimatter is the concept that to create something out of nothing, you must balance it out with “anti-something”. If you borrow money from the bank, you may have $1000 now, but you have also created a -$1000 debt. The total balance is still 0.

The same concept can be applied to happiness. If something makes you happy, then the possibility exists that the same thing can cause you an equal amount of grief. Let’s say you find a fulfilling relationship with a significant other who brings you extreme joy. This is balanced by the extreme grief that will be brought to you if the relationship is strained or ends abruptly. Ironically, the pursuit of happiness creates more room for potential misery, as grief comes from the loss of something we care about.

So what does this imply? Does it mean that we should avoid falling in love or caring about anything, because it will only hurt us in the end? Should we even bother trying to live a happy life if it is cancelled out by all the sadness that it can bring along the way? Of course, these are silly thoughts. How dull life would be if we did not have any ups or downs.

Instead, the lesson here is that we should be mindful that happiness is not free. Grief is the price we pay so that we can experience the wonderful moments of joy, love and connection that life can give us only if we reach out. If you avoided connecting with someone or taking a leap of faith due to fear of failure or loss, then your life would be empty. This philosophy allows us to be grateful for the joyful moments, while helping us endure grief as we know that is the price we must pay for true happiness.

You can’t let fear steal your funk. To quote Alfred Lord Tennyson: 

“‘Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.”

Posted in Psychology & Medicine

Five Stages Of Grief

Posted on by Jinavie

Dr. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross was a psychiatrist who was greatly interested in the field of death and dying. She believed that medical students and doctors should be aware of how important the topic was. One of her major contributions to the field of medicine was a theory inspired by her work with terminally ill patients. Dr. Kübler-Ross discovered that patients who were given bad news often reacted in a rather predictable pattern of five “stages”. She also found that these theoretical stages of coping with dying also applied to other grieving processes, such as a child going through a divorce or grieving a break-up. It is important to note that these stages are not absolutely complete or chronological, but only a general theory of how people react to grief.

  1. Denial: A person’s initial response to any bad news or trauma is usually denial. Denial is a hardwired defence mechanism of the brain to protect the mind from trauma. However, it may hinder the process of coping, with some people being perpetually stuck in this stage while never fully coping with their grief. An example thought during this stage is “This can’t be happening to me”.
  2. Anger: Once the person overcomes their denial and recognises reality, they respond with anger. This is an externalisation response where the mind tries to deal with the bad news by lashing out. It can be seen as the mind’s response to the confusion that arises from receiving the bad news, which may be caused by cognitive dissonance arising from the conflict between denial and reality. Because people at this stage often lash out with rage and verbal abuse (sometimes even physical), they may be difficult to deal with. Thus, it is important to recognise that this is a natural response to grief and try to support them even though they are acting abusive. An example thought during this stage is “It’s unfair that this is happening to me”.
  3. Bargaining: When the anger settles down, a person attempts to deal with the grief with logic instead of emotions. They will try to negotiate with a higher power to delay their death, such as through praying. This stage shows how desperate and vulnerable the person is while trying to deal with the bad news. They will try to do anything to make the grief go away, or at least reduce it. However, this stage rarely produces any viable solutions. An example thought during this stage is “If I can have a few more years, I will do anything”.
  4. Depression: With both emotions and logic failing to protect them from the grief, the person will fall into a state of depression. Hope is lost and the person understands that resistance is futile (an example of learned helplessness). By this stage, the person has become quiet and withdrawn, often detaching themselves from family and friends. Ironically, trying to cheer a person up during this stage is ill-advised. It is more beneficial if the person can pull through the depression and process it to make it to the last stage of grief. An example thought during this stage is “Why bother, I’m going to die anyway”.
  5. Acceptance: The last stage of grief is not only accepting that death is unavoidable, but also recognising that there is still time before that. The person reaches a state of clarity and comes to term with the grief, achieving some inner peace. The time taken to reach this state varies and some people may never reach it at all. It is also important to note that just because the person receiving the bad news has accepted it, others around them may not have processed the grief. An example thought during this stage is “Everything is going to be okay”.