barney – Jineral Knowledge

If you ever have a disagreement with a friend and would like to bet over who is right, make the ultimate wager: the slap bet. Basically, whoever is right gets to slap the other person in the face as hard as they possibly can. On the surface it appears to be simple and harmless. But in reality, it is a deadly and formidable wager. For example, if one ever makes the unfortunate mistake of making a slap bet with the condition that the slap can occur at any place at any time, then they must live in fear of a slap appearing out of the blue and leaving a glowing, red and rather painful hand print on your face.

Being such a pricey bet, it is always useful to appoint a Slap Bet Commissioner. The Commissioner is responsible for resolving any problems that may arise regarding the bet, such as making a ruling. They must remain completely unbiased and hold the integrity of the slap bet above all else. They must also enforce the sacred rules of the slap bet, such as no premature slapulation. If the rules are disobeyed, the Commissioner has the power to endow one player the right to slap the other player (with completely subjective judgement of how many slaps they can get).

The slap bet is also highly customisable, where the players can settle on the number of slaps and the manner in which they will be delivered. Will the loser receive ten slaps in a row? Or will they get five slaps that can occur from the moment they lose to infinity?

A slap bet is the ultimate bet that is so satisfying and cathartic for the winner, but for the loser it is… well, let’s just say it is a real slap in the face.

The myth of mermaids originates thousands of years ago from sailors who had been out in the waters for many months. Without seeing a woman for such long times, they reached a point of desperation where manatees on the rocks appeared as beautiful women with strangely attractive fish tails. This portrays the basic male drive and the way we perceive the world.

This applies to modern days as well. Upon meeting any woman, regardless of their level of attractiveness, a “mermaid clock” begins ticking inside a man’s head. The time that takes for this clock to expire varies for every woman, but ultimately a time comes when the man will see the woman as attractive and will not be able to take his eyes off of her. This is The Mermaid Theory, which thus proves that the attractiveness of a woman to a man increases in direct proportion to the time exposed to her. Or put even more simply, no matter how attractive or unattractive a woman is, eventually a man will want to sleep with her. This process may be accelerated by the usage of alcohol and the level of depravation of the man at the time.

The Mermaid Theory proves to be potentially dangerous, for example when the woman in question is a close friend of the man or even his partner. Sometimes the mental shock that someone once so unappealing is now so beautiful looking may be crippling as well.

True story.

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