Tag: anger

Posted in Life & Happiness

Fork Theory

Posted on by Jinavie

The Spoon Theory discusses our reserve for the amount of positive energy we have to give away, until we run out, crash and burn. This is a useful analogy describing the “fuel” we have to cope with life’s demands, but does not address the “damage” that we accumulate on a day-to-day basis.

The Fork Theory is an eloquent, complementary theory to the Spoon Theory to visualise the effect of stress and annoyances on our mental health on a day-to-day basis.

Unlike spoons which we give away from a collection throughout the course of a day, forks are negative experiences and events that we accumulate over the day. We are stabbed with various forks day-by-day. Some are tiny, such as stepping on a Lego block or finding out that you’re out of milk. Some are giant pitchforks, such as finding out that your partner is cheating on you or being diagnosed with a serious medical condition. Whatever the size of the fork may be, the damage from each fork accumulates until you reach a personal threshold.

Much like running out of spoons, when we are stabbed by the last fork that breaks our threshold, we stop functioning normally. This may manifest as breaking down in tears, a rage-filled tantrum or engaging in self-destructive behaviour.

From the perspective of those around us, it may seem as if we are being triggered by the smallest thing, such as seemingly breaking down because a jar won’t open. But forks are invisible to others; only we can see and feel their effects. Therefore, no one can truly know how many forks a person has had to endure before they cannot take any more forks.

The Fork Theory helps us understand (others and ourselves) why we can be so reactive or sensitive at times. As much as we try to be proactive instead of reactive, there will be days when a small annoyance, such as our partner forgetting something insignificant or a slight delay, can set us off down a spiral of anxiety, depression and frustration. It is important to know that the reaction is likely to the total accumulation of forks, rather than to the final, individual fork.

Ergo, the way we should address forks is to remove as many forks as possible to reduce the burden on our mental health. We all know that smaller forks are easier to deal with than larger forks. It is much easier resolving your hunger or cleaning the room than paying off your mortgage or attending therapy to heal old traumas. By clearing away the small forks wherever we can, we create more room and emotional capacity to handle the tougher, more painful forks, while giving us a buffer for any new forks headed our way.

For example, let’s say your partner comes home from work and you tell them that you would like to talk to them about a financial issue that you two are facing currently. Your partner acknowledges you, but also proceeds to head directly to the kitchen to eat a sandwich. You are perplexed by this action: are they blatantly trying to ignore you, or suggesting that you and the household’s finances are a lower priority than a mere sandwich?

If we apply the Fork Theory, we may react less angrily. Perhaps our partner is exhausted from work and starving because they missed their lunch, while already being stressed from the economy being down. We have just stabbed them with a large fork that is financial stress, so our partner may be taking a completely healthy, rational step to remove a smaller fork such as satisfying their hunger, so that they have a greater reserve to deal with the new fork, preventing a threshold being breached and causing a breakdown.

If the Spoon Theory teaches us that we must be mindful of how much reserve we have left to give out, the Fork Theory teaches us how to better manage our woes so that we can survive each day, while facing new challenges that life throws our way.

Posted in Psychology & Medicine

Viscera: Spleen

Posted on by Jinavie

(Learn more about the organs of the human bodies in other posts in the Viscera series here: https://jineralknowledge.com/tag/viscera/?order=asc)

The spleen is one of the lesser known organs of the human body. If you asked the lay person, they would not know what the spleen does, let alone where it is. The spleen is a solid organ that lies in the left upper corner of the abdomen, tucked under the left diaphragm (opposite to the liver which lies under the right diaphragm). Its functions are mainly related to blood, such as removing old red blood cells (sequestration), storing platelets in case there is an emergency bleeding, making antibodies and releasing lymphocytes (type of white blood cell) to help fight infection and in times of need, creating red blood cells. Red blood cells are usually made in bone marrow in adults, but if the bone marrow fails (e.g. leukaemia), the spleen and liver can step in to create vital blood components (extramedullary haematopoiesis).

As most of the functions of the spleen are not technically necessary to sustain life, it can be removed without significant consequences. The spleen is sometimes removed when a patient has severe thrombocytopaenia (lack of platelets) or when the spleen is damaged by trauma. Because it is a solid organ, trauma to it such as a kick to the stomach can cause it to rupture (i.e. break in to pieces). Splenic rupture can cause life-threatening haemorrhage (bleeding) and may not be evident in trauma cases. A person without a spleen needs regular check-ups and immunisations to help fight infections as they have a weakened immune system.

The role of the spleen was a mystery for thousands of years and thus various cultures tried to explain various medical phenomena using the spleen. The ancient Greeks thought the spleen produced black bile, which was associated with melancholy. The spleen was also associated to anger by the English and laughter by the Talmud.

Posted in Psychology & Medicine

Five Stages Of Grief

Posted on by Jinavie

Dr. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross was a psychiatrist who was greatly interested in the field of death and dying. She believed that medical students and doctors should be aware of how important the topic was. One of her major contributions to the field of medicine was a theory inspired by her work with terminally ill patients. Dr. Kübler-Ross discovered that patients who were given bad news often reacted in a rather predictable pattern of five “stages”. She also found that these theoretical stages of coping with dying also applied to other grieving processes, such as a child going through a divorce or grieving a break-up. It is important to note that these stages are not absolutely complete or chronological, but only a general theory of how people react to grief.

  1. Denial: A person’s initial response to any bad news or trauma is usually denial. Denial is a hardwired defence mechanism of the brain to protect the mind from trauma. However, it may hinder the process of coping, with some people being perpetually stuck in this stage while never fully coping with their grief. An example thought during this stage is “This can’t be happening to me”.
  2. Anger: Once the person overcomes their denial and recognises reality, they respond with anger. This is an externalisation response where the mind tries to deal with the bad news by lashing out. It can be seen as the mind’s response to the confusion that arises from receiving the bad news, which may be caused by cognitive dissonance arising from the conflict between denial and reality. Because people at this stage often lash out with rage and verbal abuse (sometimes even physical), they may be difficult to deal with. Thus, it is important to recognise that this is a natural response to grief and try to support them even though they are acting abusive. An example thought during this stage is “It’s unfair that this is happening to me”.
  3. Bargaining: When the anger settles down, a person attempts to deal with the grief with logic instead of emotions. They will try to negotiate with a higher power to delay their death, such as through praying. This stage shows how desperate and vulnerable the person is while trying to deal with the bad news. They will try to do anything to make the grief go away, or at least reduce it. However, this stage rarely produces any viable solutions. An example thought during this stage is “If I can have a few more years, I will do anything”.
  4. Depression: With both emotions and logic failing to protect them from the grief, the person will fall into a state of depression. Hope is lost and the person understands that resistance is futile (an example of learned helplessness). By this stage, the person has become quiet and withdrawn, often detaching themselves from family and friends. Ironically, trying to cheer a person up during this stage is ill-advised. It is more beneficial if the person can pull through the depression and process it to make it to the last stage of grief. An example thought during this stage is “Why bother, I’m going to die anyway”.
  5. Acceptance: The last stage of grief is not only accepting that death is unavoidable, but also recognising that there is still time before that. The person reaches a state of clarity and comes to term with the grief, achieving some inner peace. The time taken to reach this state varies and some people may never reach it at all. It is also important to note that just because the person receiving the bad news has accepted it, others around them may not have processed the grief. An example thought during this stage is “Everything is going to be okay”.
Posted in Psychology & Medicine

Aggression

Posted on by Jinavie

Love your enemies. If you are hit on one cheek, show them your other cheek, There is no other act that will provoke them more.

Posted in Psychology & Medicine

Emotion

Posted on by Jinavie

Unless you are a psychopath, as a human being you are bound to feel emotions. Love, happiness, anger, sadness… there are many emotions that range from simple to complex. Emotions are an interesting system as they allow us to respond rapidly to a situation without thinking, while alerting other members of our society to what is happening to us. Essentially, emotions help us in survival and social interactions. 

According to Professor Paul Ekman, emotions are universal from culture to culture, with facial expressions being almost identical from tribal cultures to modern ones. He found that there are six major emotions: anger, fear, disgust, sadness, surprise and happiness. He also pioneered the field of micro-expressions, which studies the flickering change in our facial expressions whenever we feel a certain emotion. As emotions usually occur before the conscious mind thinks, we are often unaware of the expressions we make.

Another psychologist, Dr. Paul Gilbert, divided emotions into three affect systems. They are as follows:

  • Threat/protection system: associated with the fight-or-flight response, activates in response to danger. It causes anger and fear and is related to catecholamines (e.g. adrenaline) and cortisol (stress hormone).
  • Want/desire system: associated with hunting and rewarding behaviour, helps us perform actions that aids survival such as obtaining food and mates. It is related to the emotion of excitement, which is caused by the neurotransmitter dopamine (part of the reward system).
  • Contentment system: associated with met needs and social connection, especially when we feel safe and relaxed. It produces feelings of happiness and peace, linked to the hormone oxytocin (released with human touch, especially during kissing).

Dr. Gilbert also posited that as societies have evolved over time, our affect systems have been altered. For example, despite the lack of natural predators around, urban dwellers are often in a state of high anxiety. This causes a sustained stress response, leading to negative health outcomes. Furthermore, the agitation and the paranoia caused by constant fear leads to crimes such as murder and war. Our want/desire system has also been heightened as we find pleasure in gaining material wealth. This has led to aggressive capitalism, exploiting other people and the environment for selfish gain.

On the other hand, the contentment system has shrunk. People feel less content despite being in a generally healthier and richer world than 100 years ago. The reason being, our brain has evolved to help us survive, not to keep us happy. 

One must learn how to adapt to these changes by finding a way to relieve tension and stress, while finding inner peace and happiness. Whether it be through sports, music, humour or simply talking to another person, finding your own way to deal with anxiety is the best road to being happy and content.