Author: Jinavie

Posted in Life & Happiness

The Art Of Doing Nothing

Posted on by Jinavie

Our brain thrives on stimulation. We constantly look for distractions, pushing ourselves to always be doing something productive or active. With modern technology such as computers and mobile phones, we have even more ways to use our free time to learn, work and communicate with others (not to mention procrastinating).

However, important as it may be to stay productive and to take action, we seem to have forgotten how to do nothing. There is rarely a moment nowadays when we are truly doing nothing. On our commute to work, we catch up on social media or listen to podcasts. In between tasks, we upload photos or send messages to friends to stay connected. When we have finished our work and chores for the day, we will “unwind” with a show or movie. Even on the toilet, we use our phones to constantly engage our mind.

As much as our mind loves to be stimulated, it also needs rest to process the abundance of information it absorbs during the day. Otherwise, stress starts to pile up from the rushed pace of life and it manifests as crankiness and fatigue. We don’t feel truly rested because when we are supposed to rest, we continue to overwork our mind. What we need is to take five, space out and daydream.

Daydreaming is considered by society as a negative thing. When kids daydream in class, they are told off to focus and do their work. When adults daydream in their own time, others criticise them for being “lazy” and “dull”. It is the direct opposite of what society sees as productivity, where something is created through work and action.

But there is much evidence to suggest that daydreaming has real benefits to your physical and mental health. When you are daydreaming, your body lets its guard down, slowing your brainwaves, heart rate and breathing. Your brain uses that time to consolidate learning, solve complex problems and take inventory of your thoughts and feelings.

Because you have detached yourself from surrounding sensory stimuli, the brain has space to explore the inner workings of your mind, such as your creative side, and coming up with original thoughts. This moment of pause lets your body and mind refresh, allowing it to work more efficiently in processing the past, being mindful of the present and planning for the future.

So unless you absolutely have to be somewhere doing something important right now, take five minutes, put your phone or computer away, look out the window and space out for a bit, letting your mind wander to wherever it pleases. Don’t let anything or anyone distract you and don’t care about what others will think of you.

Lay your weary head to rest and refresh yourself. You deserve a break.

Posted in Life & Happiness

Hidden Messages

Posted on by Jinavie

Communication is easy on paper. We say what we think or feel, the other person hears it, and understands it. But in practice, so much can go wrong. Failure to communicate has been the cause of so much grief for people throughout history, even resulting in wars and disasters. Most importantly, poor communication is one of the greatest barriers to building a deep connection with another person.

The problem lies in the fact that despite being social animals, we are quite bad at being social. We care too much about how others may judge us, so we avoid being direct and literal when we communicate our thoughts and feelings. Instead, we choose to encrypt our messages and hope (or worse, expect) that the other person will understand the hidden meaning behind our words.

For example, instead of telling our partner that we are angry at them over something they did, we act passive-aggressively or pick a fight over an unrelated manner. Instead of speaking up about something that is unfair or unjust, we choose to stay silent and accept it to avoid conflict. We will flirt and tease with someone without telling them just how much we adore them. Instead of just saying what is on our mind, we try to package what we want to say in a cryptic form through vague, suggestive messages. Sometimes, we act out like a little boy pulling at the ponytail of a girl he likes on the playground, by sulking or being cruel to our loved ones.

Because we all tend to hide our feelings behind our words and actions, we become conditioned to try and analyse and decode messages to interpret the true meaning of what other people say. But because we are not mind readers, this often leads to misunderstandings. Instead of trying to talk openly with the person, we assume that we have unraveled their true intentions and act on it, which often leads to even more misunderstandings. In time, the relationship breaks down.

This is the reason why practising good communication is such a crucial relationship advice. Why waste our time and energy crafting delicate riddles and trying to be codebreakers, when it will only result in misunderstandings? It would be far more efficient to fight through our awkwardness and insecurities to talk about what is really on your minds.

That said, this is not a simple task and takes a lot of courage and trust. That is why the other takeaway point is how lucky it is to find someone who truly “gets you” – someone who has the patience to listen to you talk in a roundabout way, and spend the effort to try to understand what you really mean. If you find someone who knows you well enough that they can decipher your messages and actually listen to what you are really trying to say, then that is something to be grateful for.

Because the greatest gift we can receive from another person is for them to truly understand us.

Posted in Life & Happiness

Express Yourself

Posted on by Jinavie

Emotion is a funny thing, in that we all feel emotions, but we each express them in different ways. Some people are great at verbalising how they are feeling about something, while others will be reluctant to share their emotional state with others. There are many factors involved, such as the individual’s upbringing, cultural background, personality type and past experiences.

In general, society seems to encourage people to hide their emotions. People who cry in front of others are seen as weak and fragile. People who smile and laugh a lot are seen as untrustworthy or foolish. Because of these stigmas, people learn to hide their emotions more and more as they grow up. We try our best to appear rational, calm and professional in the eyes of others.

But emotion is not a tame horse that can be controlled so easily. It is like a wild elephant that will behave irrationally and impulsively, and as the rider, we can only try to steer it on the right path. Because the elephant is so much more powerful than the rider, it is foolish to resist against it and try to force it to go a certain way.

This means that when people try to stop their emotions, it finds another way to be expressed. When you suppress your anger and worries, it manifests as cranky behaviour, causing you to lash out at the blameless people around you. When you try to hold back your tears, it will build up and up until it causes subconscious trauma. Worst of all, if you continue to suppress your emotions, your emotional intelligence will dim, and your ability to recognise and interpret your emotions will atrophy away. This will make you even more vulnerable to extreme swings in emotions, giving you even less control.

The solution to all of this is simple – express yourself. It is okay to cry. It is okay to laugh. It is okay to feel. Watch a sappy movie or a hilarious show to explore the breadth of your emotional range. Practise laughing out loud often. Make it a habit to be mindful of how you are feeling currently, and be comfortable in expressing that to another human being.

Emotions are a natural part of our identity and others have no right to strip that away from you to make you a lesser person. Of course, you need to be able to read the room and be able to compose yourself if the situation calls for it, but for the most part, little harm can come from you being able to show others how you are feeling.

More importantly, it is difficult for your loved ones to truly understand who you are if you do not communicate your emotions to them. If you didn’t share that you were stressed at work today, they may think your sullen mood and solemnity were due to their wrongdoing. Emotion drives us in so many different ways, so it is impossible for your partner to understand the intent behind your actions and words if they don’t know how you are feeling. Communication helps clear up the misunderstandings, letting you build a deeper connection.

Embrace the emotional elephant within you and learn to become friends with it. It will make the journey of life much smoother and less rocky.

(Image source: Puuung http://www.grafolio.com/puuung1)

Posted in Psychology & Medicine

Proust Effect

Posted on by Jinavie

In his novel In Search of Lost Time, French writer Marcel Proust explored the power of smell in invoking memories. He tells a story of how he would have tea-soaked madeleine to trigger memories from his childhood. Proust called these memories involuntary memories, because it is not recalled on purpose, but automatically triggered by a sensory stimulus such as smell.

Our brain processes memory in a strange, abstract way. Because it doesn’t record memories like a photograph or video, memories become unreliable the older they are. We have very limited memories of our childhood, unless they are paired with specific emotions or memorable events.

Smell triggers involuntary memories because the part of the brain that senses smell, the olfactory bulb, lies right next to the hippocampus and amygdala. These sections of the brain handle memory and emotion respectively, so there is a theory that we form memories linked to different smells, especially if it is an emotional one. There is also some research to suggest a phenomenon called reminiscence bump, where we have a tendency to recall more triggered memories from adolescence and early adulthood. This may be because these are the years when we form our self-identity.

This may be why smells of certain dishes or baking may act as powerful mediums to recall treasured childhood memories, such as the love we received from our parents. Even as adults, we all have specific dishes that we crave to comfort us when we are feeling stressed or lonely. More often than not, these dishes will have a story behind them, whether you remember it consciously or not. When we smell the dish being prepared, we become drowned in nostalgia. The emotions of happiness, safety and love linked to these memories distract us from the pains of life for just long enough that we can have the strength to make it through another day.

Proust talked about a tea-soaked madeleine being his key to his memories. What food is the proverbial madeleine to you?

What food triggers your nostalgia?

Posted in Psychology & Medicine

The Importance Of Television

Posted on by Jinavie

Fire is considered one of the most important discoveries in the history of our species. Since the dawn of time, it has provided us with warmth, light, cooked food and the power to invent even more things.

We can see how important fire was to our ancestors from how integral it was within a house.
In prehistoric times, there would always be a fire at the centre of a cave or hut, where the family could gather around for warmth and light. Here, they would warm themselves on a cold winter’s day and cook meat that they hunted during the day to tenderise it.

Unlike the old days, we no longer have open fires in the house. Instead, fire has been split into three different forms.

  • Instead of huddling around an open fire for warmth, we have boilers and hot water cylinders to warm our houses.
  • Instead of cooking our food over a campfire, we have gas or electric stoves and ovens.
  • Instead of the flickering flames providing us with light and distraction, we have television and computers.

Of course, we still have fireplaces, barbeques and candles, but the modern person tends to rely more on modernised versions of fire.

An interesting takeaway from this theory is how television is the modern form of the psychological comfort that fire provided us. In prehistoric times, people would struggle to stay alive, running from predators and hunting to feed the family. Looking at the fire mindlessly at the end of a hard day’s work would have been a way to destress and unwind.

Nowadays, most of us are lucky enough to not have to fear death on a day-to-day basis, but we still suffer constant stress from the busy modern life. Perhaps sitting in front of a television or computer to procrastinate for half an hour is not the worst thing in the world.

That said, everything should be done in moderation. It is good to relax for a set amount of time, but if you spent every evening after work staring at a screen without an original thought, your mind will dull and atrophy.

So, it is good to balance out the mindless entertainment such as comedy or reality shows with films that provoke thoughts and emotions, documentaries that provide you with knowledge, and shows that stimulate your creativity.

Most importantly, what you think and feel and learn after watching these should act as fodder for conversations that help deepen your connection with other people.

Posted in Life & Happiness

Time Divided

Posted on by Jinavie

Even though time is continuous, we like to think of think of time in segments.

The most basic unit is the year. Every time the Earth rotates once around the Sun, we take stock of the year gone by, while setting resolutions for the next year. Technically, whether it is 300 or 400 days, time has passed, yet we always mark changes by the number of years. For example, we use age as a marker of what stage of life we should be at (even if it is not a very accurate marker).

Another classic example is the four seasons. The making of accurate calendars and units of time was critical in the development of agriculture as it allowed us to plant many different crops with high efficiency and yield. In older times, people may have marked time by reminiscing what happened around the time of the last harvest while eating food made with ingredients harvested at that time.

Some segments are less regular, such as the last time you caught up with someone, or whenever you have a big life change such as moving cities. Some people may mark the chapters of life by the person they were dating at the time, or the stage of professional development, such as what year of university they were in.

Why do we obsessively divide time and remember our lives in artificial, bite-sized chunks? Our brains are very good at noticing patterns and change, but not so good when the changes are gradual and continuous (change blindness). Ergo, dividing up time into segments help us process the past.

It is hard to notice how much someone’s hair has grown if you see them every day. It is hard to notice how different you and your partner have become with time until a conflict arises. It is hard to notice how much we have grown and matured and changed without consciously reflecting from time to time.

Another interesting thing to consider is that what you use as a marker of time may suggest what you are prioritising. When you look back, what is the unit of time you use to divide your life? Is it the last time you moved cities? Your last boyfriend or girlfriend? Your last big trip? A moment where you came to an epiphany?

Whatever it is, it is a useful practice to periodically look back on all the segments that make up your life, such as by keeping a journal and reading it later. This will let you be more aware of how you are developing as a person and help you steer yourself in the general direction that you want your life to take you. At the very least, it is amusing to notice the subtle differences between the past and the present you.

Posted in Life & Happiness

Day By Day

Posted on by Jinavie

How was your day? Did something good happen that made you feel happy? Or were there a series of dramas that left a sour taste in your mouth? On average, the answer to the question is almost always just: “it was fine”.

For most people, the typical day tends to be a working day. We wake up, fix breakfast (hopefully), go to work, do the same work we have done for years, come back home, try to relax as we brace for the next day, then go to sleep. People tend to feel worn out and tired after a hard day of work and are just looking forward to the next weekend or the next vacation.

But this means that we are looking forward to only (at most) 10-20% of our lives. The other 80% of our days, we are surviving instead of living. Isn’t this such a waste? We only have a limited amount of time on this Earth, with even fewer years where we are young and full of vitality. Yet we spend the majority of it looking forward to just a small portion of it.

This presents a few problems. For one, we set high expectations for our days off, which can result in disappointment if things don’t go as planned. Sometimes, we feel so exhausted from our work days that we waste our precious free time binging TV shows or scrolling through social media. In essence, because we split our lives into “miserable working days” and “hopefully enjoyable resting days”, we become very inefficient when it comes to living happy lives.

One solution is to find a way to make your typical days more enjoyable. You have to try to find a routine that you wouldn’t get tired of. This might mean finding a job that continues to challenge you in different ways, finding a passion that keeps you interested and motivated to improve yourself, or finding a life partner who you never get sick of talking to and spending time with. These are all achievable, but nonetheless difficult because of the limitations set by reality. Then again, they are well worth trying for.

The other option is changing the way you reflect on your life. A major barrier to happiness is that our brains always focus on only new or negative things. That is why when we look back on our day, it feels featureless and mundane because it will either be routine, or a bad situation overshadows the whole day. To fight this, we have to consciously remind ourselves of the few good moments.

Think of one thing you did well today.

Think of something you were grateful for today.

Think of something that made you smile today, no matter how briefly.

These are all simple questions that will remind you that a typical day is really not that bad if you change your perspective.

Happiness is not a climax that you reach from stimulating yourself with new experiences and excitement. It is a state of mind, a perspective, a way of life. If you seek sustainable happiness, find a way to make each day – no matter how routine it is – more enjoyable, whether by changing something in your life or changing the way you view your life.

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(Image source: Puuung http://www.grafolio.com/puuung1)

Posted in Life & Happiness

For Versus With

Posted on by Jinavie

What do you look for in a potential partner? Everyone has their own set of criteria and features that they find attractive. But a common point of the things that people look for in a potential mate is that they subconsciously ask the question: “What can this person do for me?”.

Let’s take some examples.

  • “Someone with a good, stable job” – Someone that offers me financial stability.
  • “A tall, dark, handsome guy” or “A beautiful, sexy, blonde girl” – Someone who is aesthetically pleasing for me to look at.
  • “Someone who can cook well” – Someone who can feed me.
  • “Someone that makes me laugh” – Someone who will make me happier.
  • “Someone who makes me feel loved” – Someone who will make me feel special.

As individuals, we are allowed to make some selfish decisions when it comes to important life choices. But a relationship involves two individuals, meaning that both parties should be considered. There is some room for compromise, but the more selfish and individualistic people act, the more resentment that builds up in the relationship.

Furthermore, the question of what your significant other can do for you builds expectations. Human beings never act predictably, so this is sure to lead to disappointment. As you get used to each other’s company and your partner starts doing less “for” you, such as cooking you dinner every day or giving you gifts, you will feel as if they don’t love you anymore. Eventually, you grow apart from each other and the unrealistic expectations threaten the relationship.

Perhaps the more important question to ask is: “What can I do together with this person?”.

For example, what hobbies or passions do you share and can you do it together? Do they spend their days off in a similar way to you? Are your values and beliefs aligned in a way that you could share a life together without too much clashing? How are they different from you, what can you learn from them and how can you help them?

The advantage of this question over the first one is that it respects that a relationship is something shared by two equals. Instead of asking what value your partner will add to your life, it instead asks how you can add to each other’s lives to produce something greater.

1 + 1 = 3

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(Image source: Puuung http://www.grafolio.com/puuung1)

Posted in Life & Happiness

Exoskeleton

Posted on by Jinavie

If you look at a crustacean, such as a crab or lobster, you will notice that they have a very tough exoskeleton. Unlike us, they have their skeleton on the outside to act as armour to protect their weak, soft insides. This allows for great protection against injuries and when battling.

But if they are contained in a rigid shell, how do these animals grow? The answer is that they moult. As they grow, crustaceans will periodically shed their armour, so that the growing inner tissues can create a larger exoskeleton to hold their body in. This is a critical period as the animal is most vulnerable, as the new exoskeleton is still soft and does not offer much protection.

Even though human bodies contain skeletons on the inside, we could consider our hearts as having an exoskeleton. Like all animals, we want to avoid pain – both physical and emotional. So as we grow up, we put up resilient walls to try to protect our weak psyche and ego, to prevent being hurt by others. But a heart with a rigid, hard shell cannot grow. Only when we lower our guard, climb out of our shells and allow ourselves to be vulnerable can we grow and mature.

Life is full of suffering and hardship. We all have our scars and traumas, but at the end of the day, we survived. If we decide to shut ourselves in to avoid connection and refuse to open up to others, we may protect ourselves from some pain. But these are the moments – when we feel like all is lost, when we feel so weak and helpless, when we are anguishing – that we are growing as a person.

Don’t be afraid of feeling weak and vulnerable – it is a necessary step for your heart to grow.

Posted in Science & Nature

Brocken Spectre

Posted on by Jinavie

There is a Scottish legend that speaks of a terrifying giant that lives atop Ben Macdui, the second highest peak in Britain. Am Fear Liath Mòr (Gaelic for “Big Grey Man”), is describes as a gigantic, dark figure with a fuzzy appearance. It is said to inspire a feeling of fear, eeriness and apprehension. It has been sighted by multiple lone climbers exploring the peaks of Ben Macdui.

Am Fear Liath Mòr has been classically described as a supernatural being, rather than a cryptid such as Bigfoot or the Yeti. However, there is an even more interesting and scientifically plausible explanation. Am Fear Liath Mòr is the climber themselves.

As poetic as this sounds – that you are confronted by a gigantic shadow of your inner self at the top of a misty mountain – it is a well-documented phenomenon known as a Brocken spectre.

This happens when the sun is at an angle, shining from behind the observer into mist or fog at the top of a peak. A shadow is cast and appears magnified because of the vast distance between the observer and the fog. Because the background is a fog with little feature, the observer loses their depth perception and see an ill-defined, massive being. The rippling of the water droplets, wind and the observer’s own movements all contribute to the shape appearing alive.

Furthermore, there are many factors that would cause the eeriness commonly reported by people who witness a Brocken spectre. Winds echoing through a pass tend to create very low-frequency sounds that cause uneasiness in people. There is likely a large psychological component as well, as the climbers tend to be alone in a dark mountain, while fatigued from their long climb.

Brocken spectres are a classical example of just how awe-inspiring natural phenomenon can be, especially after understanding the scientific principle behind them.